r/AskMen Oct 07 '22

Men who have wife or girlfriend sharing almost no common interest with you, how do you get along?

Just broke up with my gf of 2.5 years cause I feel lonely while in a relationship and couldn't see any great outcome, but I wanna ask for your point of view any way.

For example: I love walking up early, going outside, hiking, to the gym and spending time together.

My girlfriend is the opposite, she hates every form of exercising, loves staying in bed all day with her phone and hanging out with her friends or colleagues. We walk our dogs at the park sometimes but I can tell she doesn't enjoy it and immediately put down my suggestion to go on a hiking trip every times.

11 Upvotes

21

u/BobbyThrowaway6969 Male man guy Oct 07 '22

You've gotta carve out that little middle ground like in a Venn diagram. Things you both can enjoy. No one's truly a polar opposite, there's always overlap somewhere. Part of the experience is finding that overlap, together

13

u/Domonero Male Oct 07 '22 edited Oct 07 '22

My gf is very active compared to me. Active gym goer, super healthy, plays tennis, swims, & much more knowledgeable about fashion as well as general self care like skincare etc & cooking

Me I’m super into gaming, playing chess, very into pop culture+comic book media, voice acting, & I love creating things via video editing+graphic design

We have a few things in common like recharging indoors, watching crime shows together, both like psychological horror, & ofc similar values long term

We get along well bc we like seeing the other person happy. I’ve always gotten the sense she’s not super into chess but she knows I enjoy it a bunch so it makes me happier she gave it a shot

I don’t care for astrology in the slightest beyond enjoying the cool symbols but I like listening to how happy she gets explaining our compatibility as well as horoscopes etc

My point is we can have different interests but the most important interest is that we are interested in each other so much that the method/hobby doesn’t exactly matter if that makes sense

8

u/AFoolForBeauty Oct 07 '22 edited Oct 07 '22

how did it work out for you two without common interests in the first place? and why didn't it matter for 2.5 years?

my wife's problem with me is rather that she feels sad and left behind when I actively pursue my own interests and try and find the time/energy to do it, so she sees it as a lack of effort/enthusiasm on my part to find the time/energy for the things we can do together while she's stuck at home and I'm not there for her. that's for me to figure out, I guess, how to make her happier without making myself unhappy

3

u/V_M Oct 07 '22

After a quarter century with my wife I can firmly say you have the wrong perspective its all about having common long term life goals, not common interests.

I really don't care and it doesn't matter that her favorite non-technical hobby is scrapbooking and mine is probably fine woodworking. But its very important that we've always have the long term goal of being the best spouse to each other and various life and lifestyle goals. So we both value our health and go to the gym together roughly every other morning, etc.

Another comparison, we have little overlap in passive media consumption habits, she's into legacy soap opera type stuff and I'm more of a listen to podcasts while doing other stuff kind of guy. But, WRT common long term life goals, we go to church with the family and that kind of stuff.

So you were incorrectly correct to dump her for not exercising, but wrong to be worried about "interests" or similar triviality. Goals have to match but what you two do in your time "off" doesn't matter much as long as there's no conflict.

2

u/soft_waves surfs naked (under my board shorts) Oct 07 '22

tbh i don't really care if we share that many interests. we could probably coexist in our house barely speaking or hanging out all week and life wouldn't be THAT different. we spend evenings apart sometimes anyway, doing our own thing.

i mean, i couldn't be with someone terribly, vastly different from me, but our interests only intersect at some points. for instance, she's crazy about coffee and always wants to visit coffee plantations when we travel, so she goes by herself. i want to do SUP and she isn't into that, so i do it alone.

our tastes are quite similar in many ways, though.

2

u/TheNobleMushroom Oct 07 '22

I am in that exact situation right now. But I am absolutely loving it. Both of our lives are a complete mystery to the other and we're both enjoying learning about things that we're clueless about. Neither of us force the other into anything. We just peek our head over every now and then to see what the other is doing and share interests if the opportunity presents itself.

But everyone is different. I personally don't want someone that is a female duplicate of myself.

2

u/Jalex2321 Traditional Male Oct 07 '22

One thing is that you don't share the ibterest. The other is that you shur down your partner.

E.g. my wife also doesn't like hiking, but she is open to go with me and walk with me. I don't like going out for lunch when I'm at the office, but i go with her if she asks.

2

u/Automatic_Bid_8833 Male Oct 07 '22

I'm interested in her life and she is in mine.

I sometimes just ask her about stuff she is passionate about and keep it up even though most of it (but not all) is boring to me, because I know it makes her feel good to talk about it. I'm suspecting she does the same from time to time.

It's a good relationship. We don't share interests, but values, attitudes, central parts of our respective worldview as well as preferences in bed. Wouldn't trade her for anyone.

2

u/Kreynard54 Oct 07 '22

Been with my girl for a year. We have no similarities or interests per say.

That being said I learn a lot from her and she learns a lot from me. Its challenging at times but if you have the right mentality for it it can be really fun going out of your comfort zone. Ultimately we have the same values so we get along just fine.

2

u/Minute_Cartoonist509 Oct 07 '22

You don't have a relationship with people that don't share at least basic interests.

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u/[deleted] Oct 07 '22

[deleted]

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u/Pomphond Oct 07 '22

Same. You don't need to have all your hobbies and interests exactly aligned, but my first gf would literally be opposed to most of the stuff I liked. Fast forward ten years and I'm madly in love with my current gf for almost three years. We have the same interests and values, yet are each able to do things on our own, in addition to doing things we love (gym, food, sex, reading, discussing what we read, discussing anything basically)

1

u/ChefYaboiardee Oct 07 '22

My interests differ from my wife but we share foundational beliefs about how to treat people, what’s moral, etc.. We also both value our family highly so I guess spending time with them is our middle ground activity

1

u/RanmaRanmaRanma Oct 07 '22

Dated a girl for 6 years who was my polar opposite. I loved what she hated and despised what she loved

And I guess we balanced herself out. But we split up because her parents didn't like black people

1

u/AFoolForBeauty Oct 07 '22

they actively 'misliked' you for 6 years or did it only start later on?

1

u/JeepXJGod Oct 07 '22

I broke up with a gf of 4 years for the same reason. More reasons, but that was one of the main ones. We just lacked compatibility, which I think is KEY for a relationship

1

u/AstroRaptor66 Oct 07 '22

Waaait a minute...

0

u/NutsLikeMelons Oct 07 '22

You dodged a bullet. Be thankful and learn from it. Here’s a pro tip - if your woman isn’t active, working out and healthy before children, whatever she weighs now add 50 lbs of fat to it and ask yourself if that’s what you want.