r/AskMen Oct 07 '22

How to start a conversation?

I want to talk to this guy tgat i am interested in. Should i start of with a compliment like ' oh you have really pretty eyes.' ? Or is it weird. If yes how should i start a convo? ( we have nothing in common or any mutual friends)

Edit: we are both 19 in college

38 Upvotes

64

u/RanmaRanmaRanma Oct 07 '22

Walk up to him

"I think your eyes are cute, wanna go out sometime?"

He will probably say yes

33

u/Ptee92 Oct 07 '22

Honestly even if it might seem weird. This will most likely work flawlessly.

4

u/Classic_Professor551 Oct 07 '22

I have asked some of my friends about complimenting a guy on the first conversation And they said its weird dont do it

61

u/RanmaRanmaRanma Oct 07 '22

They are lying to you, a guy will remember a complement for most of their lives.

That's how little they get. If you take initiative, he'll never forget it

Or complement his body, he'll be stunned

38

u/xepci0 Oct 07 '22

3 years ago a random girl on discord said I have a wonderful singing voice and I will 100% remember it until I die.

11

u/Titties_On_G Oct 07 '22

7 years ago a random woman said that I had a beautiful smile and I still think about it sometimes

7

u/br1ckd78 Oct 07 '22

It's so true. About 10 years ago an ex was showing my pictures to one of her friends, and her friend complimented my eyes, saying "Oh Mr Green Eyes! Look at those!".

Various spellings of that have now become my handle on different social media sites.

2

u/Klor204 Oct 08 '22

Got complemented on my beard 13 years ago. I make sure to compliment others

22

u/Intrepid-Rent3357 Oct 07 '22

I got called Delicious by a random girl in a club one night, I never forget that and still bring it up in conversation 😂

6

u/RanmaRanmaRanma Oct 07 '22

A girl called me cute and kissed me on new years.

She kissed me. Let me tell you, I had never fallen more head over heels for any woman faster than her

11

u/YORTIE12 Oct 07 '22

My eyes are my one unique feature as they are a nice green color. I have remembered every woman who ever came up to me and complimented me on my eyes. I kinda wish they did more than compliment my eyes tbh. You'll do fine.

10

u/Electrical_Age_336 Oct 07 '22

The only issue with complimenting a guy is we don't often get complimented so there is a chance that we'll have no idea how to respond or misinterpret it as being mocked. If those two things don't happen, however, complimenting him will make his month.

3

u/mushroom57 Oct 07 '22

I believe being mocked is the first assumption for the most of us

6

u/TPRM1 Oct 07 '22

Hey, you have really pretty eyes, we should probably go out for a drink and talk about that.

3

u/PhysicianTradition Bisexual, 34y/o, Male Oct 07 '22

Your friends don't know much a out guys then

3

u/These-Process-7331 Oct 07 '22

Were those female or male friends?

0

u/Classic_Professor551 Oct 07 '22

Female friends

21

u/These-Process-7331 Oct 07 '22

Yeah ignore their advice because women generally don't know what men really want (especially when they are under 30ish and have never had a longterm partner (eg of 2+ years).

From my experience with men (brothers, cousins, friends, partner etc): they too love a genuine compliment and biggest compliment they can get is a beautiful/average/ugly women asking them out/showing interests. Basically what we women want too, just men make it more simple...

Be bold/brave and go after what you want. The world nowadays is truely for the brave/go-getters. If he feels threatened by you asking him out: him being insecure about his masculinity is his problem and not yours.

3

u/RanmaRanmaRanma Oct 07 '22

This! And I gotta emphasize. Not only do men make it simple

It is downright EASY.

Especially if he's showing interest. Just go and ask him out and you'll see that your success rate is like a 85-90%. You'll stand out completely.

13

u/Financial-Text-3181 Oct 07 '22

If there is one thing to remember from r/Askmen: Never take any dating advice from your female friends.

Trust me, I may be downvoted for what I am saying because there are a lot of sensitive people here but it's true. Women are 99% of times clueless about dating and men because it's always the men that are doing the job, why? Because only men are able to handle rejection on a regular basis, therefore they learn how it works through trial and error.

To answer your question: I've been through that when I was your age, talk to him like a friend. When you get confortable enough talking to him, ask him out or tell him that you are interested and want to get to know him.

1

u/Prize_Consequence568 Oct 08 '22

That explains it.

3

u/Sumpm Male Oct 07 '22

Your friends are sabotaging your chances with this guy. Don't ever take advice from women about how to deal with men; take advice from men. We know what works on us.

A woman gave me a compliment at the grocery store last weekend, and it made my whole day. If she'd asked me out at the same time, I would have said yes 100%.

2

u/Denisimo7 Oct 08 '22

4 years ago, an older woman asked me if she could sit on my lap, because all the tables were taken at a Panera Bread. We had a great laugh.

Men, crave simple compliments and simple affection.

For the past 3 years, only complaints I have received time and time again, is about my cooking. I do appreciate it, but at the same time, I haven’t heard a single compliment about who I am.

2

u/Outnabout3535325 Oct 07 '22

i agree it is weird, don't do that. Just start up a conversation "Hey did you see xyz in the paper today can you believe it?!?!?"

Then when you have some laughs be like hey i was just wondering if you'd like to go grab a drink with me sometime soon.

During the date compliment his eyes.

1

u/Engineer-Daddy Oct 07 '22

Yeah i definitely wouldn’t do that lol

8

u/theguythatsanswers Oct 07 '22

Any compliment would make him happy

7

u/Redditsnaff Oct 07 '22

Ask him his favourite dinosaur

7

u/Hopekatt96 Female Oct 07 '22

I asked my now husband out. I just said "hey ___, can I give you something?" He said, "yeah sure!" And I handed him my number on a card lol. Then I left because he was working.

0

u/kuhzoo Random words Oct 07 '22

What you describe sounds like giving him your phone number.

Unless women and men have a different standard here, 'asking someone out' typically involves an invitation to go do something somewhere, usually in the future. If we're being really clear, the term 'date' gets used. Asking someone out involves questions like: "Would you like to go on a date?", "Would you like to go get dinner together?", "Would you like to come over to make out then fuck?". You get the idea. If dude still has to go through the process of asking that question, I don't think you asked him out.

You get credit for giving him your phone number. You were pro-active. Exchanging contact information is a necessary step in the process. Good job. That isn't asking him out though.

0

u/Hopekatt96 Female Oct 07 '22

I figured OP was mostly trying to get an icebreaker for talking to a stranger they found attractive. That's exactly what I did in my scenario. I hadn't ever had a deeper conversation with my husband(random stranger at the time) than giving him my coffee order. I gave him my number which let him know I was interested. Which led to us getting to know each other better and an eventual mutual decision to meet somewhere. If he had never called I'd have known the feeling wasn't mutual.

2

u/kuhzoo Random words Oct 07 '22

Right. You gave him your number. You gave him a strong indication that you'd go out with him if he asked. You get credit for that and it's further than many women ever go.

Neither of those qualify as "I asked my now husband out." though. Me giving attractive women my phone number doesn't count as me asking them on dates either. Does that make sense?

0

u/Hopekatt96 Female Oct 07 '22

Whatever you say. 👍👍

15

u/Hairy-Philosophy926 Male Oct 07 '22

start with hi and get to know him, use what you learn about him to seal the deal.

4

u/kidmaciek Oct 07 '22

"Hello"

1

u/NewUser7630 Oct 07 '22

It's me

1

u/Redditsnaff Oct 07 '22

You're looking for

1

u/Hour-Sir-1276 Male Oct 08 '22

I was wondering

8

u/UncleJ111 Oct 07 '22

Step 1. Walk up to him

Step 2. Talk

Step 3. Kick yourself for outsourcing Reddit for help

3

u/Sumpm Male Oct 07 '22

Reddit just told her to stop listening to her female friends, and give the guy a compliment, and ask him out. She should only kick herself for going to her friends first.

2

u/LetItRide_ Oct 07 '22

Most believed compliments are referred ones, so you get a friend to say that you think he’s really cute. He will be intrigued and ask you out.

3

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 07 '22

They don’t know each other or have mutual friends . It’s pretty juvenile to have your friend go up and be like “see that girl over there? She thinks you’re cute.”

2

u/Decent_Cartoonist885 Oct 07 '22

"Hi, ¿who are your favorite pokemon starter?" Always work

2

u/lennylenry Oct 08 '22

Say "hey, how much does a polar bear weigh? I heard it's like 600kg those fat fucks"

2

u/a_moose_not_a_goose Male Oct 07 '22

Try the Dope Lemon method:

“Hey you! Whatchu doing over there?”

4

u/QUELLOCORCAPPELLO Oct 07 '22

It depends on the context I think, but in these situations I always start with a joke about something he/she is doing. For example if he's drinking you can approach an say "I don't think one can find any answer in that bottle, but maybe trying harder is a possibility" and you take a drink too

2

u/LupeDyCazari Oct 07 '22

go up to him, open your mouth, and start talking?

2

u/DodGamnBunofaSitch Oct 07 '22

"If I don't ask you out to coffee now, it's gonna be weird when I know too much about you from watching you since I first noticed you."

2

u/Classic_Professor551 Oct 07 '22

You want me to get blocked

7

u/umlaute Oct 07 '22

He's a guy. That'll likely be the biggest compliment he received in his life.

1

u/DodGamnBunofaSitch Oct 07 '22

observation can lead to learning a conversation starter, but just saying hi can be a conversation starter ,too.

1

u/Spidey209 Oct 07 '22

Both in college is a very big source of things to talk about. If you like coffee just ask him where to get good coffee. If he doesn't like coffee ask him what he does like. Do not do this if he is holding a Starbucks cup, you can do better.

1

u/Sad-Emu6142 Oct 07 '22

What's the setting? How old are we talking about?

2

u/Classic_Professor551 Oct 07 '22

We are both 19 in college

2

u/Sad-Emu6142 Oct 07 '22

Hmm... okay well u can go with the crazy girl next door approach that reddit is saying to do. It might work. But that sorta thing is highschool level stuff.

What's the setting? Like classmate? Dude in the library? What's the common ground u two share

1

u/Classic_Professor551 Oct 07 '22

Check your chats . I texted you

1

u/AFoolForBeauty Oct 07 '22

I don't know about pretty eyes, you must have some confidence to take a compliment with a smile and a thankyou, I don't know if I had that at 19. some clothes items/accessories might work better, if you can think of some casual follow-up questions, like where did you get that and where do you generally go shopping. better still if he's got something with a band name/movie/tv show on it, anything you can ask about and switch to similar things you like.

I'd also guess there's no harm in straight-up asking like do you have a girlfriend and do you think we could go grab a coffee or even if you can think of somewhere to go where it's not necessarily just the two of you, like you and your friends plan on going to a movie or an event or just hang out at a bar or something. from there you can also go on and ask what else he does except classes and see if there's something interesting for you where you might come along.

1

u/Sc00terl00 Oct 07 '22

"Hi" is always a fine play! If you don't know of a common interest, create one! Use whatever is in the environment. An interesting painting, excitement for Halloween, something! I always tell guys, ask the lady some prompting questions and then try to listen more than you talk, but either gender can use that for getting to know someone better.

Bottom line? Let go of analysis paralysis, look for a moment that feels right (or gently but firmly create one if you must) and talk to him! You miss 100% of the shots you never take.

Good luck!

1

u/Classic_Professor551 Oct 07 '22

What are some interesting questions i should ask ? That will actually make the conversation last long

1

u/Sc00terl00 Oct 08 '22

Sorry for the delayed reply, night-shift is a pain! Okay so!

Pick open-ended, yet specific detail questions that give him tangible topics to work with but also room to take it wherever he likes. "Are you in my Comp class? With professor Spivey?" or "Excuse me, are you are in Dorm (insert Dorm name here) ?", or a sports team on his shirt, or even if he wears glasses or not. SOMEthing that is pertinent to him and could be a common ground.

From there? Introduce yourself a sentence or two in. "I'm Jodie, by the way. It's nice to meet you!" or "I don't think I got your name??", create a connection beyond just "stranger to stranger." If he's still engaged? Then do more the open ended questions like I said "Who's your favorite professor here?" "Do you know any good bars near the University?" "Are you a Biology major?". SOMEthing with more specific language than just "how are you" or "how's it going", those questions lead to dead ends, specific questions like I mentioned require him to give more thought to his answer because they ask for specifics, and if he engages, then you can ask the occasional clarifying follow-up question, but again, try to listen more than you talk, we nurses call this trick "Active listening", you are still engaged, but you're letting them fill more of the space.

Where you'll know it's going well? Is if *he* starts asking more specific and prompting questions of *you*. He wouldn't do that if you didn't at least have his interest. From there? Let it grow organically! Maybe it'll become something romantic, or maybe you'll just have made a friend or acquaintaince, but either way you conquered the "I can never risk embarrassment by putting myself out there so I guess I'll just never talk to anyone" monster. Trust me, *that* shit is a lonely life, and even if you completely put your foot in your mouth, I promise you it wouldn't be the end of the world.

But the only way to get better at this is to try and to practice! Any of this helpful at all?

1

u/Phantommy555 25/Sad-Boi Oct 07 '22

I think approaching a stranger with a compliment like that is maybe a little too bold, try just making casual conversation with them. Assuming you have class together or something, find some quiet time(maybe before or after class) to speak to them. I’d need some more context maybe for specific advice but literally a “Hey, how’s it going?” is more than enough to strike up a convo with someone. You’re at the same university and I’m guessing even the same class so you already have that in common.

1

u/6Koree9 Oct 07 '22

Ask him about a topic you know he's knowledgeable in.

1

u/Zarehaa Oct 07 '22

Like others here it's important to know, how do you know the guy? What's the situation like? Where did you first see him? Any kind of interaction whether it be verbal or non verbal (such as looks, winks, anything really that counts as contact)

1

u/mandyleepawg Oct 07 '22

Small talk first.

1

u/makosh22 Oct 07 '22

I would start with smth neutral, like "How to get to the library?" and watch his reaction tp learn if i should proceed or excuse myself.

1

u/NeuromorphicComputer Oct 07 '22

Get to know him first, then after a few days to a couple of weeks ask him out

1

u/anon246246 Oct 07 '22

Men love compliments, if you feel weird saying your eyes are nice say your hair or your clothes and go from there

1

u/Hulkslam3 Oct 07 '22

Be careful of the compliment too soon. Guys are really susceptible to moving too fast at times. You say you have nothing in common, is that verified or you just don’t know? If it’s true that you don’t and this is purely a physical attraction then try accidentally bumping into him to spark a conversation.

1

u/dimce072 Oct 07 '22

I can tell you from personal experience as a guy. Takin initiative and and aproaching him first will if anything make him interested in you more. It doesnt have to be anything specific. You can just say "Hi, I think you are cute. Would you like to go out sometime?" Only reason that can get you rejected is if he has a gf (highly unlikely) or you are not his type. It really isnt that complicated. If i managed to convince a girl to go out with me by saying sorry i stepped under your foot after she stepped on mine, you got this.

1

u/Leethom91 Oct 07 '22

Complimenting a guy is likely to go down well. Most men are starved for compliments.

Alternatively, use what you know about him as an ice breaker. Guys also like to feel useful/smart.

Something like hey, you're into (hobby/interest/activity he does) right? And then ask a question about it.

1

u/Swiizy_ Oct 07 '22

no just ask how he's doing men like when people are upfront dont overthink it he might like you & boom

1

u/johanebrown Oct 07 '22

Well you have beautiful eyes from the start would startle most men i remember when i got my first compliment i was so freaked out and couldn't say anything but are you talking to me ???

1

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 07 '22

Don’t overthink it just be direct. I know lots of guys of varying success with women. Basically all of them will go on a date with almost any woman that asks (unless they are taken). They will not date any woman that asks, but they are open minded enough to go on a first date with anyone that asks.

If you beat around the bush too much he might think you are trying to sell him something or get him to join a club at college or whatever. Vs if you are direct it’s like “wow! She did all the work for me. Is she at least OK attractive? Alright fuck it. Let’s give it a shot and see what her personality is like.”

In my experience, women are somewhat the opposite. Much more likely to want to date IF you are smooth/attractive enough to get the first date in the first place . So your girl friends are projecting this need to be smooth based on their non-man perspective.

1

u/ChocolateDiesel11 Oct 07 '22

“Ayo” usually works

1

u/AstroRaptor66 Oct 07 '22

Talk about the weather
Works

Every

Damn

Time

1

u/simz_black1 Oct 07 '22

Being straight forward and avoid misunderstandings. For me as a guy, a compliment and just saying you are interested (keyword interested not like or love) would work and I would probably ask the girl out if she cute or already have feelings. That’s just me though. If the the man says no at least you tried. Good luck solider🫡

1

u/vanillagorrilla23 Oct 07 '22

My wife now complimented my eyes when we first meant as an ice breaker. She said I had pretty eyes, I said that's perfect cause you have pretty everything. Just go with what your inner voice says regardless of what others say.

1

u/Usernameisphill Oct 07 '22

Start it with, hello.

1

u/Punkhair2Nv__13 Oct 08 '22

Be straight up, guys like a confident honest girl. “I think you’re interesting, would you like to meet up for coffee or something?”

That’s all it takes. If he even has a pulse, he will say yes.

1

u/Mr_ChubbikinsVIII Male Oct 08 '22

I normally just walk up and say "boobies" and see where that takes me.

1

u/Constant_Field3172 Oct 10 '22

I can guarantee you that most men would be willing to kill someone to get a compliment from a girl and honestly we are terrible at communicating so don't expect us to understand hints be direct about it