r/AskMen Oct 07 '22

Men of Reddit, how do you deal with constantly being lied to in a relationship?

I just can't believe how someone can so easily keep lying to your face, keeping secrets and ignore it altogether when confronted about it.

2 Upvotes

13

u/Browndog888 Oct 07 '22

I don't deal with it. Nobody should be in a relationship where you're lied to.

10

u/themanfromUNCLE100 Oct 07 '22

I will break it off. Can't tolerate dishonesty and lying.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '22

[deleted]

3

u/Zarehaa Oct 07 '22

How would one be a honest liar? Do you mean that they tell you that they lied when you confront them? Well imagine the things they're keeping from you since you havent confronted them abt it, nothing honest about that. If they're a liar who tells you that they lied and it's a habit (from childhood like a pathological liar) who is trying to get better. That i can deal with, especially if they have or will get counseling/therapy for it. I guess you can be an honest liar, but that is one hell of a circumstance

1

u/ThalesBakunin Oct 07 '22

No. He edited it. I was poking fun at a redundancy.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/OriginalMcSmashie Oct 07 '22

Wisdom, this comment is full of it.

5

u/poptartwith Male Oct 07 '22

Fool me once shame on you, fool me again shame on me.

7

u/---cameron Oct 07 '22 Helpful

Fool me twice... can't fool me again

6

u/OriginalMcSmashie Oct 07 '22

I didn’t. Relationships are built on trust. There’s plenty of good people out there. Move on. Someone that doesn’t care enough to be honest to you isn’t worth your time.

3

u/ThalesBakunin Oct 07 '22

By ending the relationship.

I can't even comprehend being constantly lied too. Why are YOU taking it?

3

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '22

Why deal with the drama? Break up

2

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '22

[deleted]

2

u/ThalesBakunin Oct 07 '22

That's funny because I think the exact opposite.

What is the point of dating? To me, it's to find a partner.

So ask deep and probing questions pretty early. There are a lot of people out there and few great matches. If you want to find a great match, don't waste time in a frivolous relationship dancing around the real questions that make or break a relationship.

If they lie on those questions that is as important an indicator of incompatibility and terrible answers. End it and stop wasting everyone's time. Then when your ready keep up the search.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '22

[deleted]

2

u/ThalesBakunin Oct 07 '22

I teach my young children boundaries because they are children in a world that they don't understand. It's to protect them from all the strangers.

If someone thinks it's crossing boundaries that in the first few dates I'm going to express my intention on whether or not to have kids, whether I want to get married, what I feel on hot topic political issues like abortion, my financial situation and plans, and the slew of other issues which frequently cause incompatibility that is totally fine. That just means that they are not compatible with me.

I simply think playing the odds is the best chance to finding an awesome relationship. If you beat around the bush on those frequent relationship conflicting issues all you're doing is elongating a lackluster relationship

And I never said reveal all your darkest secrets, I'm not going to unload all my childhood trauma on someone I just started dating. But I will give them a general idea of my libido pretty quickly off the bat so we know that we're actually sexually compatible, but I ironically would not have sex for a significantly long time.

But this is all a moot point as I've been with my wife for 20 years.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '22

[deleted]

3

u/ThalesBakunin Oct 07 '22

Yes.

One of the many deep topics of conversation I would broach in the very early beginnings of a potential romantic relationship.

Along with my original subjects.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '22

[deleted]

1

u/ThalesBakunin Oct 07 '22

Cheap questions would be do you do drugs? do you fuck hookers? no one will answer these truthfully.

Speak for yourself. I would absolutely answer that honestly.

But you're being disingenuous to my argument. You keep pushing every example to illogical extremes.

My example was discussing libido. Not asking someone if they engaged in sex work. Asking someone that I've just started dating how frequently they like to have sex is a very deep and invasive question but nothing like those crass examples you're giving.

But the point I was saying is that any questions that a lot of people think you should wait on I don't think you should wait on it. Your examples don't even fit that because I would never ask a partner of those questions.

I'm not going to ask a woman that I'm potentially wanting to have a relationship that... EVER. " Have you ever engaged in prostitution?" Lol

You can ask deep and very program questions without coming off like a creepy scumbag. It seems like you're just trying to undermine my argument by making every question an extreme.

2

u/ConstructionNo1603 Oct 07 '22

Yeah you leave cause those are just the ones you caught...

2

u/Coidzor A Lemur Called Simon Oct 07 '22

Leave, generally.

2

u/ravix_ridamaki Male Oct 07 '22

break it off, why yoi should deal with it in the first place?... grow a backbone

2

u/Heartless_Kirby Oct 07 '22

Would break up, I am one who doesn't even accept white lies.

2

u/happymeercat615 Oct 07 '22

I don't know if I have an answer that would work for everyone, but what works for me is to try and remember that people are complicated. We all have different motivations for the things we do, and sometimes those motivations are not clear to us. So if my partner lies to me, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they must have had a good reason for doing so, even if I don't understand it. If it happens repeatedly, then I start to question whether the relationship is healthy for me.

1

u/Ratnix Oct 07 '22

Find a new relationship.

1

u/DeltaWorksNL Oct 07 '22

End the relation , cut her of , walk out whiteout looking back and move on .

1

u/CarlJH Oct 07 '22

I would get out of that relationship. That behavior isn't going to change.

1

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 07 '22

I wouldn’t be in that relationship.

1

u/__Trump_Lost_LOL__ Oct 07 '22

I take the trash out and do better picking my next partner.

1

u/biggirlsause Oct 07 '22

Next time you catch them in a lie, call them on it. Say if they don’t tell the truth, you’ll walk. If they tell the truth, then say that was easy, you should have started telling the truth a while ago, and break up with them

1

u/ChocolateDiesel11 Oct 07 '22

Make her watch Jeffery Dahmer series and stare at her with a smile

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '22

I wouldn't tolerate it at all. I don't like being lied to, that person is gone if they're a liar.

1

u/Hairy-Philosophy926 Male Oct 07 '22

start watching their actions instead of listening to their words.

1

u/Cuauhtemoc805 Oct 07 '22

The ignoring it altogether when confronted about it is probably the worst. I confronted someone once and instead of then apologizing, they started texting people to find out how I found out lol

1

u/Bumhole_Astronaut Oct 07 '22

Nobody with a shred of self respect would put up with that.

1

u/mrinkyface Oct 07 '22

Don’t deal with it and don’t be in a relationship with someone like that

1

u/LupeDyCazari Oct 07 '22

how desperate are you for a woman that you remain in a relationship with a woman who manipulates you and abuses you?

Dump that chick dude, grow a pair of balls.

1

u/emmettfitz Oct 07 '22

By moving on. Call them on the lies and walk away. What are they willing to lie to you about? How far will it go? I'd wouldn't want to find out.

1

u/MrAnonPoster Oct 07 '22

Find a hotter woman

1

u/Motanul_Negru Manbearpolarsasquatch Oct 08 '22

Leave.

You're not getting back the time you put into them; no reason to lose even more.

1

u/AgarwaenCran Transgender - MtF Oct 08 '22

The solution is to stop being in an relationship with this type of people

-5

u/MLG-BagFumbler Oct 07 '22

Skip the relationship, just deal with sex workers. Friends and family can provide the emotional aspects. Relationships are utterly pointless