r/AskMen Dec 01 '22

Men 45+, what has changed about you as you got older?

And how are you dealing?

More tired? Less patience? Stay home more? Pay more attention to health?

Do you date more often? Not want to be bothered?


25 comments sorted by


u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

I care less about the opinions of people about whom I don't care. Acquintance or random stranger dissapproves of my words, actions, life choices, taste in music, politics, whatever? Unless I think they're right, for instance if, on reflection, I have genuinely been thoughtless or unkind, then boo-f***ing-hoo. I don't have a second spare to waste on caring.

On the other hand, I tend to have more patience with human failings or foibles. Everyone is odd. As long as they're not hurting anyone, why should I care if someone is a bit peculiar or is doing something in a way that seems cock-eyed to me or maybe causes me a bit of minor inconvenience? Worse things happen at sea.


u/WTF-Hell-No Dec 01 '22

I don’t care or worry about what others think of me. I do what makes me happy. That’s pretty much it.


u/Mr_Doberman Dec 01 '22

Some of the good changes:

I find that I am much more patient and understanding now that I'm older.

Little things that would eat away at me don't really bother me much anymore.

I make more time to be with friends and family and I'm more open with my feelings.

I don't feel the need to be busy all the time. When I was younger every night and weekend had to be filled with some activity or project around the house.

The not so good changes:

My metabolism is slowing down and I put on weight much easier than I did when I was younger. Recovering from drinking sucks so I end up drinking less (which in itself isn't bad).

I have far less energy now. I will do either something with friends during the day or in the evening, but rarely will I do both.

Sometimes I open my mouth and my dad's voice comes out. Especially when talking to the kids.


u/Hierophant-74 Dec 01 '22

I think I look and feel great for my age (48), probably better than ever! But still..life happens for pro & con

Physical changes:

The need for reading glasses. WTF? My entire life with better than 20/20 vision and now I need reading glasses?? Constantly misplacing them too!

I can't eat pretty much anything after 8-9pm or else I'll get heartburn disrupting my sleep all night.

Spinning rides at amusement parks? Forget about it, they make me sick just looking at them.

I used to be a night owl, now I am wrecked by 10pm.

I used to be able to sleep in...now I am up at 5am whether I like it or not.

....so I decided to take advantage of that morning time to myself and exercise - much more consistently, to great personal benefit. No aches/pains, no joint or back issues - none of that. And the feeling that I accomplish more by sunrise than many folks do all day sets a positive tone for the rest of my day and I get a lot more shit done in life!

Dating life:

Fellas - take care of yourselves! If you can get into your 40s still looking good and have your act together in life - it's going to be a huge difference! My dating life has improved exponentially vs earlier in my life.


u/halfmeasures611 Dec 02 '22

how so? im in my 40s and the 40+ yr old women i have to choose from are a far cry from their 23 yr old versions


u/Hierophant-74 Dec 02 '22

It's true many of the 40+ women are total shipwrecks! But I don't swipe on the shipwrecks, there are quite a few who still have it going on for themselves! And the 30something crowd is in play as well.

I dunno what to tell you other than your mileage may vary. Region plays a role also. (I am in a top 5 US city by population) still - I'll recommend any young man to keep investing in himself because the tables do eventually turn and he'll want to be at the top of his game when that happens.


u/halfmeasures611 Dec 02 '22

im in LA bro. i dont understand whats going on. every 40+ yr old woman that Hinge shows me looks like John Madden


u/Hierophant-74 Dec 02 '22

Looks like John Madden!! Hilarious! 🤣 Yeah, I've seen a lot like that too! (A lot!)

But I've still been matching with lovely ladies 32-46 (my range is 30-50) and I am in Phoenix. When I was in LA this summer I thought it was pretty rich!

Don't get me wrong - most of the options are dumpster fires! I swipe on maybe 1-2% and maybe 5% of those swipe back...which is still enough to keep me busy. And if any of those top women swipe back on you you'll notice your deck improves.


u/riverfan2 Dec 01 '22

Also have some money saved up, and know restaurants and bars in your city that are in your price range and are fun. Makes dating a lot easier to pull off when you have 3-4 spots you can go to off the cuff and know that none of them are going to mess you up budget wise.


u/dr_xenon Dec 01 '22

I’m dealing with it. Mainly don’t let it bother me.

Can be more tired, but exercise helps.

Patience depends on the situation. I don’t suffer fools, but don’t get worked up over waiting for things.

Definitely pay more attention to health, exercise and all that. Trying to keep healthy for when I’m really old.

Don’t date very often since my wife wouldn’t be happy about that. We go out few times a month.

Main difference is how long it takes to recover from injuries and how I’m not as flexible as I used to be. More stuff hurts more often. I’m like a classic car - I still work, but I need more tuneups.


u/ldspsygenius Dec 01 '22

I am kinder and happier.

I make more money than I ever have before but work less than I ever have before.

I work on all sorts of fun goals that are exclusively for my benefit.

At the same time I am far more generous.

I apparently grew a tiny vagina because I cry much more often. (Stolen from the great Robin Williams but it's still true)

Children and animals love me

I notice that younger women are very relaxed and kind with me now and I think it's because they know I'm not interested in them sexually. At the same time I find my wife so alluring that my sex drive is still strong, it's just focused on her. But sex is so much more fun because I'm fine if we don't have it so the whole issue is so relaxed.

I do work about my health more but am more realistic in my goals. I can't think of a greater waste of time than trying to get a hard body.

I take a nap everyday.

I take my dog with me everywhere I go including work.

I was suicidal from age ten till around forty-one/two. Now I want to live forever.


u/halfmeasures611 Dec 02 '22

what stopped the suicidal ideation?


u/ldspsygenius Dec 02 '22

I got on the right medication. I got a much lower pressure job. I got a dog. My kids started to grow up and are much more independent. I think it was a combination of those things. So basically the right meds and dealing with my most persistent stress factors including loneliness. Somewhere in there I started to let go of stupid guilt. That helped a lot as well.


u/2asses1moo Dec 01 '22

I've mellowed. I don't care about what others do that doesn't affect me. I don't care: who you love, what religion you have, who you vote for, what team you like, what race you are, what you eat, etc. If you are nice to me, I'm nice to you.

I also tend to avoid 1 dimensional people. You know the people who take one of the things from my list above and make it their entire personality.


u/huuaaang Male Dec 01 '22

47 here. Not too much has changed. I get more random aches and pains that go away in a couple days, at the longest.

My pee stream isn't as strong as it once was. So I'm not winning any pissing contents.

Balls don't swing low yet.

It's not as bad as I was lead to believe it would be.


u/halfmeasures611 Dec 02 '22

i too am no longer able to win pissing contests these days (most are rigged anyways). but whenever i get sad i just go to my trophy room and look at all my Longest Piss and Strongest Stream trophies. you did good One-Eyed Pete.. real good.


u/capricorn40 Dec 01 '22

I used to be pretty quiet and laid back. Now I speak up for myself a lot more. I can determine when it just not worth fight over and when it turns to being bullied.

I'm a lot forgiving about people that make genuine mistakes, but less about people the revel in the misfortune of other. I don't tolerate people the bully people in the service industry. I use to turn a blind eye to stuff like that, now I will call someone out if they treat bar staff or servicers cruelly.


u/Ratnix Dec 01 '22

I quit caring about the opinion of others. I quit doing stuff i didn't like, just to try to fit in. And i quit spending as much time around people, who i liked well enough as people, but spent a lot of their time doing that stuff i don't like, such as watching sports.

That all started around 30 and I've been much happier since.


u/Schrodingersdik-dik Dec 01 '22

I just turned fifty, so my late forties refined my current take on things.

But what will everybody think if I say/do/think _________? Everybody else's opinion has very little weight in my decision making. This ranges from considering the input, to IDGAF abut their input, depending on the importance of the topic.

Health becomes a far more interesting topic. I've been reasonably active for over a decade. I feel like I'm at the thin edge of the wedge, where all of my health and lifestyle choices over the last three or four decades will now start getting cashed in. It's not so much that the Fuck Around part of my life is over, but that the Find Out phase has started.

I'm infinitely patient with anyone who is putting any effort towards something worthwhile, or just living their life. I have little to no patience for people with ugly souls.

I grew up Roman Catholic, and fairly conservative. I became an atheist fairly early in my teens, and stopped voting Conservative around thirty or so.

With respect to the world, my hope is that everybody that is younger than Generation X, takes over all of political offices they can, and every other lever of social control, as soon as possible. I think that the slowdown during the pandemic really exposed a lot of the glaring problems with the status quo of our time. Boomers, and an unhealthy chunk of Gen X have absolutely no interest in enhancing quality of life for future generations. Take Over.


u/EconomicsAccurate853 Dec 01 '22

More tired, definitely.

Injuries take longer to heal, and reinjury is more common (he typed with a brace on one wrist).


u/observantpariah Dec 01 '22

I've learned to predict people a lot better.... Not much else has changed personality wise. I move a bit slower but still doing great.

I gradually dated less and less as the motivation to do so dwindled. Starting over in the middle loses it's appeal and just feels like you are getting a lot less for the same work. At this age, I want to stay up all night with my wife talking about our memories of our 20s together. I don't want to be finding a new girlfriend that I will never be able to do that with. Without receiving the total package... All the work just seems not very worth it.


u/dmbgreen Dec 02 '22

My give a fuck is busted.


u/Deadhead56 Dec 02 '22

I'm more patient about other people's opinion about me. Also more patient with my physical limitations. Be good to your knees you'll miss them when they're gone.


u/HatesDuckTape Dec 05 '22

At 46, I’m quite different in a lot of ways, and I’m still the same guy I always was in the most important things.

What’s changed:

I try to be better at something than anyone else. I just want to be better at things than I thought I could be. I don’t want to be a better person than anyone else, I just want to be better than I am.

My job doesn’t define me. It’s just a means to providing for my family. My work problems stay at work. About 3 blocks into my drive home, I practically forget I have a job. I realize I can’t do unrealistic things, and don’t bother trying to. I don’t get worked up when things go wrong beyond my control.

I’ve got a far better sense of not getting caught up in bullshit vs taking a stand when I actually need to. Getting worked up about things I can’t control or change takes too much mental and physical energy. And it never changes anything. I’m better at picking my battles rather than fighting every one of them.

I’m far less judgmental of people’s actions. I don’t know what they go home to. I don’t know where they’ve been. I realize I can’t 100% say I wouldn’t have done what they did under their circumstances. It’s easy to be honest when you don’t have the opportunity to steal something truly valuable. It’s easy to be faithful when gorgeous women aren’t throwing themselves at you day in and day out. I don’t cheat or steal, but how many times have I had something genuinely tempting me staring me right in the face? Not enough to break me down.

If the person or their actions have no bearing on my or my family’s day to day lives, I don’t care what they do. I don’t care what they say. Barring sex offenders and the like.

I don’t care about anyone’s perception of me. If I genuinely respect their opinion of what I’m doing or how I’m doing it, I’ll listen. I’ll contemplate it. But the people whose opinion I genuinely respect has shrunk quite a bit.

What hasn’t changed:

I do what’s right for me and my family. I’ve got a small and solid core of people I’ll do anything for, and I know they’ll do anything for me. I won’t throw someone under the bus for my own gain, and I won’t make excuses for someone who doesn’t deserve another chance.

Oh yeah…

I’m more tired. I want to avoid crowds. It takes far longer to recover. I get sick more often.