r/AskMen Dec 01 '22 Silver 1

What do you do when you are walking on the streets and you think a female is scared of you

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1.8k Upvotes

1.9k comments sorted by

2.6k

u/rapiertwit turtles all the way down Dec 01 '22 Table Slap

Sing a lumberjack song so she understands the chainsaw is just a work thing.

478

u/Woodit Dec 01 '22

I’m a lumberjack and I’m o-kay

270

u/no_rolling_shutter Dec 01 '22

I sleep all night and I work all day

56

u/Comfortable-Start-30 Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

Afterwards you've got to full stop:

Be like 'Shit, sorry sorry that's all true. It's just sometimes I have insomnia, so I go on these late night walks with my trusty chainsaw because whispers it's really dangerous out here at night, you never know what kind of sickos you'll run into.'

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u/WraithNS Dec 01 '22

ohhhh I'm a lumber jack and I'm okay

66

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

[deleted]

27

u/WraithNS Dec 01 '22

Because he wears womens clothes

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

He's a lumberjack and he's okay sings all night and works all day

62

u/putinisbae Dec 01 '22

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch

62

u/brunohartmann Male Dec 01 '22

I go to the lavatoryyy

51

u/Wacokidwilder Male Dec 01 '22

On Wednesday’s I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea.

32

u/MuttonChopzzz Dec 01 '22

I wish I was a girly, just like my dear papa

17

u/vintagecomputernerd Dec 01 '22

He's a lumberjack and he's ok

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u/Byizo Mail Dec 01 '22

I wear a flannel shirt and I speak real curt,

*Chorus joins in* We're lumberjacks and we're o-kaaaaay!

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u/ClutchReverie Dec 01 '22

I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars

3

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

And he sings it in a Yorkshire accent not a Canadian one!😂

17

u/Yepitsme2020 Dec 01 '22

Never met a lumberjack, but I've heard they're all pretty much okay.

11

u/slipperyShoesss Dec 01 '22

Can’t dance. Wooden feet

5

u/Yepitsme2020 Dec 01 '22

It's you're lucky day then... Just met a lumber jack, he can carve those feet right up into a pair of dancin' shoes... His work? His work is pretty okay.

6

u/slipperyShoesss Dec 01 '22

Hmmm, he sounds pretty okay to me

104

u/talented_fool Dec 01 '22

Doesn't work as well if you're in Texas

22

u/rapiertwit turtles all the way down Dec 01 '22

...and wearing a mask of human skin

5

u/dhhdhh851 Sup Bud? Dec 01 '22

Im just trying to cosplay as my favorite HUMAN.

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u/Juhnthedevil Dec 01 '22

He becomes a Cactijack then.

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u/lyonnous Dec 01 '22

I’ve done this once or twice.

5

u/HarlotsLoveAuschwitz Male Dec 01 '22

Or just pull the chain and bring out Pochita.

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u/tubahero Dec 01 '22 Silver

Overtake her so that she's now following me and she's the creep.

126

u/hey_you_too_buckaroo Dec 01 '22

I actually do overtake them usually. But the moments leading up to the overtake is usually tense. Must be scary from their point of view. That's why I try to make noise as I walk past so they're not startled suddenly.

68

u/Greaserpirate Dec 01 '22

And run at full sprint so avoid prolonging the awkwardness!

51

u/Saith_Cassus Male Dec 01 '22

I like to say “passing by on your left/right” in advance to let them know before it’s scary

53

u/Andycaboose91 Dec 01 '22

"On your left!"

"On your left!"

"Don't say it, don't say it..."

"On your left!"

8

u/CaptainAmerica341 Male Dec 01 '22

I see you

3

u/Daxx-23 Dec 01 '22

Username checks out.

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u/1313C1313 Dec 01 '22

As a woman, I like this, both because it announces benign intentions, and because it is an opening to turn around and look at you. A lot of times, we know you’re there, but we don’t want you to know we know, or we don’t want to provoke interaction by looking. But it almost always helps to put a person to footsteps.

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u/redd-zeppelin Dec 01 '22

You're the creep now no creepbacks

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u/tubahero Dec 01 '22

I don't make the rules

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u/PoIceTea Dec 01 '22

This, sometimes I bump it up to a light jog so I pass her faster and it’s less awkward for everyone. Unfortunately some women are competitive and try to outrace me.

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u/thewonpercent Dec 01 '22

Wow you're forcing her to look at your butt? That's so creepy.

13

u/tubahero Dec 01 '22

To be fair, it is my best feature.

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u/dogswanttobiteme Dec 01 '22

And then look back nervously a couple of times, and scream “why are you following me?!”

3

u/Hot_Wine_2004 Dec 01 '22

You all are creep by Radiohead

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u/midfeelingbruh Dec 01 '22 Helpful Ally

I wouldn’t walk towards her direction but I’ll run on all fours. This resembles a dog so she’ll think I’m going to protect her. Dogs make women feel safe. For extra affirmation I’ll bark too. :)

374

u/Lookin4aWitch Dec 01 '22

It's a good idea to lick them to really sell the dog thing.

270

u/BadIdeas_ Dec 01 '22

Yup, and the crotch sniffing. They love the crotch sniffing.

122

u/amigdyala Dec 01 '22

Username checks out.

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u/Chevy530 Dec 01 '22

Hahaha yeah don't forget the leg hump to really make her feel safe😂

4

u/GrumpyKitten514 Dec 01 '22

And then I’ll even hump her leg!!

Wait…no….

13

u/midfeelingbruh Dec 01 '22

Y’all are funny

6

u/traininsane Dec 01 '22

This one is a TikTok joke

10

u/primitiveboomstick Dec 01 '22

Ghost of DMX likes this

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u/Wizard_of_lolz_ Dec 01 '22

I saw this on tiktok lol

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u/Woodit Dec 01 '22

As a general rule if I’m walking behind someone and they’re not aware of me I don’t want to startle them or otherwise cause surprise (I am large and that can make ppl nervous at times) I drag my foot on the ground with a couple of steps, just enough for them to notice another person nearby. Works well for people too absorbed in their phones too

535

u/No_Pineapple_7282 Dec 01 '22

Sir, I would highly recommend incorporating a zombie murmur with this method.

105

u/notbad2u Dec 01 '22

Brrrr brnnnn brrrrrns BRAINS!!!

Then I stick out my desiccated tongue so they understand I'm teasing.

32

u/RadeDev Dec 01 '22

Just to be safe, bite them on the arm to show them that they won't turn into a zombie.

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u/Huntsman988 Dec 01 '22

A couple of coughs does the trick too

9

u/Bos-man7 Dec 01 '22

Or farting

13

u/Stingray-Nebula Dec 01 '22

Silent==deadly

Loud==not deadly

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u/deathtastic Dec 01 '22

So many foot draggers here. I do it in my office too when approaching somebody's cubicle. It always scared me when our HR lady just showed up right behind me. She was like an 70 year old ninja.

31

u/Woodit Dec 01 '22

HR does it on purpose to catch you slippin

11

u/deathtastic Dec 01 '22

Good thing she didn't know what Reddit was.

84

u/crazy_pilot742 Dec 01 '22

Hello fellow foot-dragger! I've also found that to be the most convenient and least disruptive way of letting someone know I'm around them.

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u/CFDanno Dec 01 '22

... then, suddenly, she heard a faint scraping sound. Thinking nothing of it, she carried on, but then there it was again -- this time a little louder and longer! What could be making that terrible sound? Before she could collect her thoughts, the aggressive sound of some heavy mass grinding on the pavement assaulted her ears once more. It sounded as if the pavement was being torn to pieces right behind her! A rock hurled towards her feet and bounced back, the impact strong enough to leave a small bruise.

Panic set in and she gradually increased her speed only to find that scraping and grinding sound become more rapid and more aggressive. There was only one thing she was sure of: don't look back. Closer and closer, her attempts to escape seemed futile!

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u/Scary_Technology Dec 01 '22

You just reminded me! My technique was to pick my phone and pretend to have a friendly conversation with someone! I don't know how much it actually helped the girl I was "following" but I'd imagine her hearing me cracking jokes and asking "what happened, replying" oh no/that's great" might have helped ease her mind before I made my move. /s (just joking about making a move, everything before that is honest, I just couldn't miss the opportunity).

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u/Whiskeyno Dec 01 '22

I love the attempt to comfort and reassure a stranger that you are a sane, not dangerous person by having a loud back-and-forth conversation with nobody.

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u/Scary_Technology Dec 01 '22

Hey it works! But it's a loud FRIENDLY back and forth conversation with no one. It's the best I've come up with, working at a college with a 100ft wooded path to the parking lot, where in Massachusetts it gets dark at 4:30pm from late November until March.

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u/TheDreadWolfe Dec 01 '22

Same here or I'll walk on leaves, cough or play on my phone so they have their distance and hopefully realize I have no interest. Though times I thought someone else was following a someone or hanging around for no reason near our apartments I made sure to keep an eye and ear out. I'm also affiliated with DHSs, CDP and keep my badge on me which brings some comfort though I'd say people need to always be wary even of uniformed law enforcement. Sorry for ranting

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u/VerticalTwo08 Dec 01 '22

I always jingle my keys as if I’m pulling them out of my pockets or looking for my car keys.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

I do that In this situation and when people are walking too slow- it’s something I recently learned but being a fast walker I need the warning I’m popping up beside them lol

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u/flawlessmojo7 Dec 01 '22

I did this the other day but with some dude that was up the sidewalk taking some very interesting selfies of himself.

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u/Woodit Dec 01 '22

Most people take selfies of themselves

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u/cockpersecutor Non-binary Dec 01 '22

I usually jingle my keys by shuffling them from pocket to pocket as opposed to dragging my feet, but whatever works!

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u/ThatsARivetingTale Dec 01 '22

I feel like I'm in psychosis right now but all these top comments are almost identical to every comment every time this question gets posted fuck sakes I need to get off this app

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u/corobo Male Dec 01 '22

Bots repost the post, other bots repost the comments.

They're all bots except me and you bud

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u/Woodit Dec 01 '22

It’s bots all the way down!

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u/GamsusDesign Dec 01 '22

Do you also hunch over while dragging your leg? Maybe with your arms stretched out in front of you, going "uuuggghhhh"??

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u/SnooLemons5609 Dec 01 '22 Wholesome Hugz

Follow her so she gets home safe of course.

And if she starts jogging, just jog with her so she stays motivated.

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u/Careless_Junket_6224 Dec 01 '22

The hero we need, thanks for keeping us safe

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u/WraithNS Dec 01 '22

I tried to follow you after you ran out, but lost you in the subway

"I took a cab"

oh then I seriously traumatized some lady

20

u/Iliturtle Dec 01 '22

What’s this from?

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u/WraithNS Dec 01 '22

Brooklyn nine nine

Good ol Jake and Rosa

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u/Iliturtle Dec 01 '22

I knew I heard it somewhere beforr

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u/laurielemon Dec 01 '22

If she is sprinting, she is challenging you to a race. Run as fast as you can to catch up to her.

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u/pm_ur_boobs_plz-_- Dec 01 '22

Why do all the women I know love racing so much?

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u/Abrahamburg Dec 01 '22

I tried it and police started chasing us to thank me 🥰

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u/gigglemetinkles Dec 01 '22

"I'm not going to rape you, I'm a little boy!"

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u/kitty_r Dec 01 '22

I laughed real loud at work. Thank you!

Also this has happened to me by a man. 11pm, street parked two blocks from my apartment. He started keeping pace behind me up to my apartment front door. He caught the door behind me to let himself in right behind me. I booked it up the stairs to my 3rd floor apartment. Thankfully he didn't follow me further, but just stayed milling around the lobby. I don't know why I didn't call the police, but I creeped over the banister with a big knife and my cell phone just in case he tried to come up.

Other fun story : my bf looks like the unibomber in his winter coat and hat when he goes on long walks that sometimes walks by the abortionist. He has seen police that post up outside have their hands hovering on their holstered weapons and watch him carefully pass. He makes sure to cross the street now 😂

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u/Clanstantine Dec 01 '22

When I realize that she's scared of me, I run to catch up with her so that I can tell her, "I'm not going to rape you, I'm a little boy!"

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u/NewUser7630 Dec 01 '22

1) Scream to make myself known. 2) Run towards her to resolve the situation. 3) ... 4) Profit???

/s

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u/WornBlueCarpet Dec 01 '22

This sounds like the best thing to do. Especially the running towards her. The sooner you reach her, the sooner you can explain to her that you mean her no harm. Brilliant.

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u/NewUser7630 Dec 01 '22

Exactly!

Even better to take of your shirt to show you are unarmed!

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u/WornBlueCarpet Dec 01 '22

Keep going. This has potential.

How about if you take off ALL your clothes? That way she can clearly see that you have nothing hidden.

So:

  1. Scream loudly so she knows you're there and so she won't be surprised by your presence.
  2. Run as fast as you can towards her while simultaneously screaming and taking off all your clothes, so you can reach her as fast as possible to reassure her, AND show her you have nothing nefarious hidden on you.

I feel we have reached a real turning point in making women feel safer. We will be celebrated by feminists for centuries to come.

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u/Woodit Dec 01 '22

Goddamn we are some seriously considerate people

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u/kingomtdew Dec 01 '22

While doing all this, YOU need to be worried for you safety too. You need to get her clothes off as well to make sure she doesn’t have anything to harm you. She may fight back a bit, but keep working at it and you’ll get her clothes off eventually. Gotta keep yourself safe in these situations.

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u/Speffeddude Dec 01 '22

Your forgot the real step 2: scream " 'I am going to kill you!' Is not something the real murderes say! You have to look for more subtle hints such as body language and probing questions! Stay safe, young lady!"

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u/sullylocks Dec 01 '22

Slowly start walking faster while humming the jaws theme song loudly.

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u/bbrasseaux76 Male Dec 01 '22

I wouldn't automatically "think a female is scared" of me unless she was actively and obviously trying to avoid me or create distance between us. In which case I would just allow her to do so by continuing as usual.

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u/sadrice Dec 01 '22

Eh, it happens, and sometimes it’s obvious. Once, walking to get some late night burritos in a sketchy part of a sketchy town, I got stuck following a woman, and ended up making the same turns as her like three times in a row. She kept kinda nervously glancing over her shoulder, and I couldn’t decide what to do. I should have just walked faster than her early on and passed her before she became scared, but I was assuming she would just make a different turn from me and it would be fine. I’m tall and usually walk fast, so to add to the “creepiness” I was walking somewhat conspicuously slowly and deliberately behind her while pretending to ignore her.

I felt a bit bad about it, but thankfully that has only really happened once.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/sadrice Dec 01 '22

That probably would have been a good idea. While I’m tall, I think I look friendly and approachable in a way that means this almost never happens to me with women, so when something weird like that happens, and it’s dark so they can’t see anything other than “tall man”, I don’t know how to react because I don’t have much experience with that.

I feel bad for the guys like your brother. I didn’t exactly have hurt feelings that that woman was afraid of me, from her perspective she made a reasonable judgement even if she was wrong about me (I probably would have been creeped out too, as a man), but it certainly wasn’t a nice feeling, and I would hate to have to always wonder if random women are afraid of me.

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u/LongDickPeter Dec 01 '22

Big black guy here, I will be honest I tend to cross the street or avoid women when I pick up on their fear which happens a lot with me. The truth is I am doing it for my safety and not theirs.

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u/RevenantBacon Dec 01 '22

So what you're saying is, in a roundabout way, you're just as scared of them as they are of you.

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u/LongDickPeter Dec 01 '22

For me yes, I understand why they are conditioned to be afraid and I am empathetic towards that. I also know whose story will be taken more seriously so its easier to protect my self and avoid any interaction because Its possible I wont even get a chance to explain my self.

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u/Stagbiitle Dec 01 '22

This sucks on so many levels, I'm really sorry

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u/Comfortable-Start-30 Dec 01 '22

Don't be, look at his name. He's all good.

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u/Datazz_b Dec 01 '22

Damn lol. Reddit delivers better than door dash.

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u/AlphaRegard Dec 01 '22

I’m sorry bro. It’s not right.

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u/ComradeScilence Dec 01 '22

I feel the same way and I'm a big white guy. My issue is that due to some poor drunken behavior in my youth (bar fight) I have a record so it's not just women but anyone who has never been in trouble can accuse me of pretty much anything and the courts will immediately assume it's true. So I just avoid everybody.

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u/Stuff1989 Dec 01 '22

here i was just scrolling thru reddit and now all i want to know is how big LongDickPeter’s black cock is

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u/KindlyOlPornographer Dec 01 '22

So big it doesn't return Spielberg's calls.

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u/MenInBlackAgent000 Dec 01 '22

I'm white and I do the same.

Other men scare me as well.

Was walking at night once, and this guy was talking to someone then nodded in my direction and beelined towards me, walking quickly behind me. I turned a corner and ran.

Maybe it was all coincidence, maybe he's nodding and saying "I live that way, see you later" but when some guy the same size as me seems like he's trying to walk faster than my fast walk, I get nervous.

If I was black, man I'd be dressing like Carlton Banks and loudly singing Tom Jones everywhere I went.

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u/DEADandSLEEPING Male Dec 01 '22

Just keep walking and don’t bother anyone?

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u/MeatIntelligent1921 Dec 01 '22

hey why such a bad lack of humor hahaha

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u/DEADandSLEEPING Male Dec 01 '22

Sometimes I jest, sometimes I serious

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u/Wacokidwilder Male Dec 01 '22

Mind my own business, try not to creep her out.

No I don’t feel discriminated, and I don’t take it personally.

I’m a big dude (6’3, 220, beard), I’d keep my guard up if a guy that looked like me seemed to be following me.

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u/Bromm18 Dec 01 '22

Which is really the best thing to do. If you actively try to change how you are walking or appear it can make the situation worse. Best case is to just ignore them and carry on like normal.

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u/Bruised_Shin Dec 01 '22

Exactly, it looks like you’re thinking “crap she’s onto me, I better mix things up or I’m going to blow another kidnapping”

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u/sillysidebin Dec 01 '22

Feel bad for them and stay minding my business?

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u/caduceun Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

I don't do anything differently. She has every right to be afraid of me same as I have every right to do nothing about it.

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u/skatenox Dec 01 '22

Yup, just existing in public shouldn’t be cause for anyone to shoulder any strangers burden.

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u/Not_that_wire Dec 01 '22

I wish I had heard that 40 yrs ago. Thanks bro.

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u/CoffeeBeansPls Dec 01 '22

This is so callously funny 😂 Like the opening sequence of a horror movie… Late at night under the streetlights a frightened woman stumble-runs down the sidewalk, clumsily looking over her shoulder every few minutes, face a terrified picture of smudged mascara and snot trails. In her fear, she trips over an imaginary rock and hits the ground. She scrambles to get up, heartbeat thudding wildly in her chest as she whips around to look behind her towards an unknown assailant… Suddenly the woman gives out a blood curdling shriek! Then the camera pans back… a lone figure comes into frame (it’s you), walking nonchalantly down the sidewalk, absorbed in your phone, deafened to the world by the headphones in your ears. You pass by the terrified woman, straight-faced not once glancing away from your phone. Later, after you’ve made it home, sprawled out on the couch in front of the tv, you wonder about the dramatic woman flailing about in the streets that you noticed on your walk home… but ultimately write her off as one of the local crackheads.

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u/FBIPartyBusNo3 Dec 01 '22

gettin some real Tucker & Dale vs. Evil type vibes

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u/spaghetee_monster Dec 01 '22

Exactly. Ignore her like she doesn’t exist.

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u/Highlander198116 Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

The annoying thing is this is seen as a totally appropriate question, when a similar question to minority groups shackled with negative stereotypes would be seen as outrageous.

Like... "Arabic people, what do you do to make people feel comfortable that you aren't going to set a bomb off?"

It's just become perfectly okay to hold every man accountable for what other men do, when in almost every other scenario that sort of view would be considered prejudice.

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u/caduceun Dec 01 '22

I mean I'm black and if people want to hold their purse closed while I'm around I don't care. But I'm not going to walk with my hands out in front of me or anything lol.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 10 '22

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u/ginga_bread42 Dec 01 '22

Its such a strange question and it seems like they think men should be doing something. I think its pretty normal for anyone to be aware that a stranger is walking behind you, especially when it's dark.

Most men are just going about their day and aren't shady. If I'm weirded out by someone or something they're doing, I'll be the one crossing the street lol I'm not taking any chances. Like a guy a few weeks ago at my bus stop howling like a wolf at 8am. I'm not expecting him to change so I move to the next stop.

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u/Mr_Candlestick Dec 01 '22

I pretend to make a phone call and say "I've got eyes on the target. I'm in pursuit."

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u/epicgrilledchees Dec 01 '22

Act out John Mullany bit. Chase her down, grab her by the shoulders and say I’m not gonna hurt you.

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u/YarthWader Dec 01 '22

Im just a little boy.

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u/Justavet64d Dec 01 '22

If perceived as a threat, I give her plenty of space, let her see both my facial features and hands. It's called being a bit of a gentleman in that one causes no harm nor do they allow harm to happen to her.

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u/leclairck Dec 01 '22

Undress so she sees me at my most vulnerable

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u/youwantmybiscuits Dec 01 '22

i deal with this a lot. work in a hospital and work nights. usually take my break late around 3 something. around that time a lot of one particular shift staff end their shift without getting into specifics and we work in one of the biggest hospitals in the world. so you basically walk from the building across a skywalk and into the garage and sometimes i'll be heading for break and there will be a female ahead of me walking out into the garage as well.

i usually keep a good distance and walk slow. if i notice them turn around and look i'll try to just smile and at this point i will usually pull my work badge out and hold it in my hand or basically where they can see if they turn around again. that way at least they know i'm not some random dude walking behind them.

sometimes they will get into the garage and walk in the same area where my car is and that can get a little tense cause i feel like i can feel their tension so i'll just hit the unlock on my key fob and they can see that i am just walking to my car.

if all these things don't work and it legit looks like they are worried then i'll just verbally say out loud "mam i'm an employee and i'm just walking to my car to take my hour break and wave my badge" they usually just smile at that point and say you are good or oh thanks.

i know it can get tense for them so i just go out of my way to make sure they know i am not a threat.

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u/matticusiv Dec 01 '22

I start walking away from her, faster and faster, constantly checking over my shoulder with panicked breaths, clutching my bag with white knuckles. Now she feels powerful.

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u/SnazzyPanic Dec 01 '22

She never spots me haha.

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u/Careless_Junket_6224 Dec 01 '22

Haha this is my favorite answer yet

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u/eyemthinking Dec 01 '22

If she looks at me I do a hesitant wave and quick smile then look down at my feet. I am awkward.

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u/caaaandace Dec 01 '22

A couple months ago I watched a woman walk out of a coffee shop and she was walking on foot, a man came around the corner walking behind her (not super close or anything) and I watched the girl like internally panic and she started speed walking fast af and the guy literally was just walking to his car that was parked on the street. He obviously saw her panic and walk as fast as she could and I just thought to myself wow I wonder how he feels right now, lol. But also being a woman myself I dont blame her I've done this before too. Just never saw it happen

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u/TheShartCollector Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 02 '22

It’s just our reality. I don’t think much about it, but try to be respectful of other people’s concerns - even if I know they’re unwarranted.

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u/skulltula714 Dec 01 '22

Continue walking because it's not my fault how she feels when I'm minding my business

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u/Gerasia_Glaucus Dec 01 '22

Nothing I listen to music and go back into my little dreamworld and fade away....

If it annoys women its ok, at least they are not scared of me

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u/FfsAllNamesAreTaken Male - 20's Dec 01 '22

I usually pretend that i'm sending a voice message to someone announcing that I will be with them in a few minutes or so. I might also change over to the other side of the road.

It's a shame to read comments where men have no consideration for these things as unfortunately many women get followed and harassed, especially when they are walking alone. I know that feeling all to well as a cis man that uses dresses/makeup sometimes.

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u/WearyMatter Dec 01 '22

If she's brown, I lay down.

If she's black, I fight back.

If she's white, goodnight.

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u/DavefromCA Dec 01 '22

Make a joke, last one was “don’t worry I’m not following you, just stocking…” she gave a good laugh.

….then I threw her in my traditional Italian marriage sack and ran off.

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u/SJB1999 Dec 01 '22

Nothing, I have no bad intentions to anyone so I am not going to feel bad for going about my normal legitimate business.

Most people agree it is wrong to fear muslims in airports or hold your valuables more tightly near black people, because stereotyping people based on their gender, religion etc is regarded as harmful and unacceptable. I don't see why it should be any different for males

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u/Cat_Catterson Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

Navigating the world in a weaker and smaller body has such a huge influence on the way we experience life that I don't think it's something that someone could understand without living it.

I've known so many wonderful men and I genuinely love our differences, but we aren't equal in terms of physical capability so if a man decided to do anything I'm outright losing that battle. If another woman came at me, it's a fair fight, so I'm a bit less cautious even though I certainly don't trust them to be a more decent person then a male stranger. Does that make sense? I hope that makes sense. Lol.

Edit: I just wanted to add, I'm genuinely sorry that it sucks to be treated that way. It may actually be stereotyping, but unfortunately it's probably the wisest way for people like me to navigate the world. Large or aggressive women have always given me the same reaction so it isn't a sex thing, there are just less of them.

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u/Darkone539 Dec 01 '22

Edit: I just wanted to add, I'm genuinely sorry that it sucks to be treated that way. It may actually be stereotyping, but unfortunately it's probably the wisest way for people like me to navigate the world. Large or aggressive women have always given me the same reaction so it isn't a sex thing, there are just less of them.

You do you, but I don't feel the need to worry about other people's worries. The best way for me to show there's nothing to fear is to do nothing.

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u/TheLittleGoodWolf Dec 01 '22

I understand why they would feel afraid, but that understanding doesn't really make it sting any less. It's easy to say that I should just ignore it or whatever, but I feel like that's just akin to telling me to keep bottling up my feelings.

Again, I can't judge any woman, or man (because even as a strong burly dude I also get scared), for wanting to take small precautions to remain safe. But I'm also not going to pretend like it doesn't hurt or that it doesn't make me feel like shit.

Getting looked at and even somewhat treated as some violent predator when you are actually not, fucking sucks. Being seen as or treated as something you are not is unpleasant to begin with.

The thing I don't know is where to put these feelings. Whenever they are voiced by someone, they tend to get told either that they are horrible for even feeling that way when someone else is feeling worse, or to just suck it up.

How am I supposed to feel good about myself when my mere existence is enough to make other people feel real fear and discomfort? What does that say about me and my worth?

These are the kinds of thoughts and feelings that run around in my head when I think about situations like that.

I just sucks for everyone.

I may be strong, but I'm not a fighter, I don't want to harm other people, and the thought of harming someone else, even in self-defense, is downright depressing to me.

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u/LXXXVI Dec 01 '22

How am I supposed to feel good about myself when my mere existence is enough to make other people feel real fear and discomfort? What does that say about me and my worth?

By not basing your opinion of yourself on what other people think of you. If you know you're a good person and you act like a good person, you're a good person. It doesn't matter if someone thinks you're a monster.

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u/smooze420 Dec 01 '22

It is what it is. I have the male version of resting bitch face. I’m harmless as a kitten but the way women look at me when I’m alone you’d think I was Ed Gein.

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u/eggwardpenisglands Dec 01 '22

The male version of resting bitch face is resting bitch face

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u/5starCheetah Dec 01 '22

If we're both walking alone at night, I usually cross the street to show I'm not following her.

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u/Darkone539 Dec 01 '22

If we're both walking alone at night, I usually cross the street to show I'm not following her.

That's nice if you need to cross anyway, otherwise I only really walk to work and home so I am where I need to be.

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u/J-Peno-Cheddy Dec 01 '22

Got headphones? Put them on. Or get on your phone and look occupied. Don't make eye contact and keep walking.

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u/MaritimeOliver Dec 01 '22

Sunglasses off so she can see my eyes.

If I'm wearing my hat (baseball cap) I'll tilt the visor up a little shit she can see my face.

Hands out of pockets with nothing in them, so she can see I'm not holding anything.

Maintain my heading and speed, up probably be whistling a song while I walk too.

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u/tommy_turnt Dec 01 '22

I feel helpless about it.

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u/M4yham17 Dec 01 '22

Look more scary puff chest

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u/lil_Canadian Dec 01 '22

Walk like I'm not trying to hide anything, open to the world, head up, good posture, hands out of the pockets. hold stuff that couldn't be used as a weapon in both hands, maybe pretend to be distracted by my phone.

I've been told my resting face is super serious and a little intimidating by multiple women, when in reality I'm a super easy going happy guy, so recently, just in general, I've started to just think of funny stuff in my passive thoughts so I can have a natural resting happy look on my face as much as possible. I find that it makes people more comfortable, and I've actually noticed more people talking to me in my daily life.

Per the last part of the question, I don't feel discriminated against. I'm 6'3" and I work out. The average female population is shorter and smaller than me, so I completely understand that, in this world full of overtly aggressive men, you might be wary.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

If I am walking on the streets and someone is scared of me I will just continue about my business as if nothing is happening. It's not on me to ensure the comfort of strangers and I don't think anything of the interaction.

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u/notsoslootyman Dec 01 '22

Scared people don't act rationally so I'd be just as wary of them. I would usually create some distance for my safety and sanity. I've had too many people explode over paranoia for me to just ignore it.

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u/Call_of_Tculhu Dec 01 '22

I follow her for a few blocks without saying anything to make sure she gets home safe

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u/Used-Ad138 Dec 01 '22

Nothing, and I shouldn't have to. Realistically though, I'm not thinking about any one I pass on the street. I can't be arsed and have my own shit to deal with without worrying about what someone else is thinking or worrying about.

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u/TopLahman Dec 01 '22

I’m not a man but I was in a dark parking garage with my daughter the other day and a man was coming from another direction and we had to cross paths. He say “hey how ya doing?” And I knew right then that he knew that I was scared. It was sort of awkward but I’m glad he said something in a friendly manner I guess.

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u/Malithirond Dec 01 '22

Or the guy just comes from someplace where it isn't uncommon for people to greet each other when they encounter them. May not be common in larger cities, but not uncommon in more rural areas of the US.

Not saying the guy didn't know, but I wouldn't assume that he knew you were scared because honestly when it comes to feelings most guys are pretty oblivious about them in other people.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

get down on all fours and charge her full speed while yelling bloody murder. women love it

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u/BogusBogmeyer Dec 01 '22

Ignoring her.

The thing is, once I prevented a Woman from gettin' robbed. She then ran away from me too.

What I mean; you can't do anything. If you're looking scary, just pet your littly tiny doggo and move on with your life.

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u/Geospizae Dec 01 '22

As a woman who has been afraid of many men walking behind me who were most likely decent people just walking home or to the shops, I'm genuinely sorry if my nervousness made you feel umcomfortable.

I have been assaulted by men multiple times in the past and it's a shame that it's made me afraid of decent people, but when I'm walking outside in the dark I have to be careful.

Just know that when a woman is afraid of you, she isn't afraid of you as a person, she's afraid of the society we live in where women are harmed on a daily basis.

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u/DominateDave Dec 01 '22

Same thing I do for anyone's thoughts. Ignore them because I am unaware of them. Even if I was, her internal issues are not my problem.

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u/Dyl__man Dec 01 '22

I was in this situation but through accidents made it worse. Would like to say though why should I feel discriminated? Women have to put up with way more on the streets than men do, so why would i blame them for being cautious or worried? I know its nothing personal. Basically i was behind a young girl, who was walking quite slowly on a phone, so i was moving faster, and she looked around and saw me, walking (probably in her eyes) quickly towards her. She began to speed up and i thought it was odd, but didnt connect. Then she kept glancing back at me and i caught her eye each time, and realised she might be worried. I slowed down a little but she may have thought that as i had seen her looking at me, i was trying to be subtle. Anyway i thought, I’ll just cross over so shes not worried, but as i got to the middle of the road she started crossing too as she hadn’t seen me cross. I panicked a little but decided not to cross back to not look weird, but she saw me on the other side and started speedwalking around a corner, but i went straight on, never getting a chance to show that i was ok, after i just felt i couldve done something more to not scare her, but i didnt think of it at the time.

Like i say, i dont take it personally because i dont have to put up with catcalls and harassment.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

Nothing. If you react after making eye contact it only makes it more awkward and uncomfortable. Just proceed on and ignore her, because what's she's hoping for.

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u/AmenoMiragu Dec 01 '22

I just walk faster so I’m in front of her and not behind, minding my own business

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u/Crazyviking99 Male Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

I'll go out of my way to make sure this doesn't happen. Usually I'll pull out my phone and slow down a bit until she's further ahead, or I might suddenly need to cross the street.

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u/Crabology Dec 01 '22

I try to put some distance between us slow my pace or change direction.

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u/meeseekstodie137 Dec 01 '22

I find it annoying because I feel everything she's feeling, but I don't change anything about the way I walk when I notice because I know it's not actually me she's afraid of, it's the idea in her head, the potential that I could be dangerous, don't get me wrong, it's a shitty feeling knowing someone's afraid of you, but there's nothing I can do to change the way she feels in the moment so I just keep on keepin' on

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u/Floppy_Jallopy Dec 01 '22

Continue walking to my destination. It’s not my duty to make strangers feel safe.

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u/UrineTrebleNow Dec 01 '22

I suddenly find a brick in the wall interesting. So I stop and check that cool brick out

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u/aferretwithahugecock Dec 01 '22

For context I'm a 6'2 dude who likes wearing black

I'll pull down my hood(if I'm wearing one, and I usually am because winter in canada) to show that I'm not trying to hide my identity, I'll keep my head up so that my face is always visible and I'll give her a wide berth. I'm a fast walker so my normal speed will most likely catch up to who ever is walking in front of me. Because of that I'll usually walk on the boulevard on whichever side of the sidewalk I think she'd feel safer with me on.

example of why

I live near a tree covered river trail and one time I was walking home at night and there was a girl walking towards me, I could tell she was nervous. The side walk did a weird bend thing and on my left was nothing but dark trees and a river and on the right was the street, without really thinking I started walking along the street side and I saw her glance at the trees and stop walking so I took her hint and switched sides so that I was along the trees so that she felt that she wasn't cornered and could run if she wanted to. I felt bad that I made her nervous so from then on I've been extra conscious of how to not freak out random girls.

Edit- formatting

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u/Fit-Teaching-3205 Dec 01 '22

I'm a female but play a justin Bieber song and maybe sing along or dance along. No female will be scared of a guy who has such taste

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u/nocturnaltumenscence Dec 01 '22

I am harmless, why the fuck should I care if the woman thinks otherwise.

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u/Dealric Dec 01 '22

That. You cant control her emotions, youre not doing amything wrong.

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u/Eborys Dec 01 '22

Shout “I’m not going to murder you, calm down!”

Seriously, the only time I remember walking home from uni and noticing the girl ahead of me was looking back at me a lot and quickening her pace, I immediately slowed right the hell down.

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u/Certain_Arm_9480 Dec 01 '22

if she seems scared i follow her home to make sure she stays safe. it's a dangerous world!

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

[deleted]

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u/Radiant-Schedule-459 Dec 01 '22

If I’m walking towards my car I beep my car to let them know I’m going to the car. If just walking, I slow down a little, cough or talk to my dog (noise feels less scary for some reason) and sorta drag my feet so they hear me and it doesn’t feel like a sneak. If I am wearing a hoodie, I put the hood down, even if it’s cold out.

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u/Solid_Rice Dec 01 '22

dont give a fuck. thats her problem. being a Black man, life is full of people being scared of me for their own ridiculous reasons.

and for all you dudes saying "I understand, give her space, walk slower, etc", you're buying in to a bullshit narrative.

its either 'strong independent woman' or 'scared little bunny', it cant be both

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u/Whole_Macron_7893 Dec 01 '22

Tried wear pastels to appease that uneased caucasity (men & women) during my uni days, tried smiling to let them know I mean no harm, tried to ignore them freaking out that a brown person was in the vicinity. Stopped giving af, then just scowled at them for acting stupid.

This was a campus where black/brown-face was an occasional occurrence, sometimes it was required to attend a "Greek" formal. A campus where white supremacist groups were allowed free assembly.

Fuck all that shit, man/woman if you feel uneased by me going about my business, not paying you any mind, fuck you.

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u/saveyboy Dec 01 '22

Their fear is not your problem

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u/ScottdaDM Dec 01 '22

Go about my business.

It's the fastest way to normalize things for her. Trying to explain may make it worse. Even trying to approach can make an already irrational person panic.

The more men just go about their business, innocently, the more examples she has that not all men are out to get her.

And, at the end of the day, I am not responsible for her feelings. Feelings are intrinsic, they're inside you.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

None of my business. The most I can do is maintain some distance but that's it.