I(29M) can't seem to forgive my Sister(26F) after she completely bailed on me when I was on the brink of being homeless REPOST
This was previously posted here a year ago.
My sister from a young age has had only one person to rely on and that person was me.
We come from a broken family with one parent that was only around till I was 5 and the other who was stuck in a cycle of addiction.
Because of our situation I grew up very quickly and shielded her from as much as I could, she obviously was aware of what was going on but she was not in the crosshair. I started with stealing from our mother to make sure we had food and bills were paid, I got a part time job at 13 because we couldn't rely on our mother and when I graduated I immediatly got 2 jobs and we moved out.
I had to push my Sister through highschool(She wasn't an easy teen for obvious reasons) ontop of going month to month trying to get as much money together to pay our bills. At 19 she finally graduated after being held back a year, she changed her tune a lot and she started working as well and had her own place when she was 21.
I finally got a shot to do something for myself and got a degree, as a result I got a much better job but unfortunately that was right before the pandemic hit so I pretty much went from hired to fired as I was a new hire.
Now the reason I am saying all that is not to pat myself on the back but to stress why my reaction is the way it is.
I was out of work, on the brink of losing my apartment and only had one person who I expected I could turn to, my sister. She was recently married, lived(still lives obviously) with her husband, so I asked if I could stay a few weeks at most a few months until I got a new job, it was a No. I was taken aback, but it remained to be a no. A week or two later I was kicked out of my apartment, I asked again and it was a no, at this point I am homeless and the only reason I didn't end up sleeping on the damn street was because I could crash at a few friends until I got a temporary job, I rented a room with a bunch of roommates for a while, eventually got a job in my field again and am now doing fine.
That said, I have not spoken to my sister since, she has called, messaged, banged on my door, sent crying voice messages, apologised dozens of times, tried to explain herself, tried going to my job, tried going to friends, everything. I haven't said a word to her it's been over a year now, she recently had a child and she is still desperately trying to reach out. She claims her husband refused to let me stay, he even reached out several times to beg me to reach out, but to me the one time I need her she basically tells me to F myself, I feel like it was the last push I needed to just end that chapter of my life.
I feel bad but just...Not bad enough, I guess? Even my friends and my girlfriend are on my case that I should forgive her and that they understood it at first but now think I am being an asshole, what would you guys do?
So I had a huge amount of people inquiring as to what ended up happening and asking me to make an Update should anything happen and while I wasn't sure if I would or even should I eventually decided to just go ahead and do it.
Let me start by apologizing to the people who commented on my post. I made my post and it didn't seem to gain much traction at all so I more or less stopped looking at it for about a day I think only to figure out the next day that I had gotten a lot of comments. Unfortunately when I decided to reply to a lot of the comments I had been reading I realized that this Subreddit locks the comments after a certain amount of comments have been made or Karma has been reached, I am afraid I was not aware of this admittedly very odd rule so that's on me. I did end up reading most comments and would like to thank everyone offering advice or just saying something supportive.
First to answer a couple of questions that I was unable to answer along with addressing some incorrect comments in the previous post yet I saw asked quite a few times.
1: The first few No's were without reasonable explanation, I was not aware of her given reason that her Husband was not okay with it until later.
2: She did not know she was pregnant when she declined and most of it happened before she would have even been pregnant in the first place. I mean most of this took place over a year ago, I even put that in the post so I am not sure how that Math would even work.
3: I am not an Anti-Vaxxer or Dirty or something, there were quite a few comments that theorized this would be the case for her refusal, I got my 2 vaccination shots the moment I could them and well while my personal hygiene is not exactly anyone's business I shower once a day and my apartment is spotless.
4: A lot of advice and comments seemed to be from the perspective of functional families with a functional family structure, that is not the case here, the primary reason I am so gutted about this entire situation is exactly that, this isn't a case of "Well I don't want my Cousin to stay in my house he can stay somewhere else." This is a case of me having sacrificed my entire youth and a significant portion of my early adult life for someone that I played no part in creating or have any parental responsibility for and the first and only time I ever asked her to do something for me as the only person I could reasonable fall back on and her not doing that, that's more then a familial spat, that is a straight up betrayal. That's also an answer to the people saying that she "Owes" me nothing because I "Chose" to be a "Parent".
Anyway, with that out of the way.
I decided to follow some advice given by several people.
I told my girlfriend and the friends who involved themselves or were involved by my sister to back off or to lose my number, they do not understand my perspective and they likely never will and I need to get that through my head as I have a tendency to talk about my life as if it is a standard, but it is a standard only to me, luckily most people don't go through any of that.(I Obviously had a longer and face to face conversation with my GF and with individual close friends but it boils down to that.) One friend kept pestering me about it and I ended up dropping him as a friend but my GF was apologetic and most friends were either apologetic or said they'd drop it.
I ended up writing a long E-mail to my sister and while I will not copy and paste the entire thing here as it contains a lot of personal information and far more horrible stuff that I am unsure will even be allowed on a sub like this it more or less boiled down to me explaining to her how her refusal to take me in for what ended up being a few weeks made me feel and I detailed a long list of things I had done to take care of her.
I ended up finishing my E-mail telling her that even if I take her version of the story as truth and her husband is the cause of me not being allowed to stay that it is entirely irrelevant to me, because that just means she didn't fight for me at all. I also informed her I have no interest in meeting her child as of this moment and I have no interest in reconnecting with her and if that changes in the future I will be the one to contact her, I told her to let this be a lesson to her as it has been a painful lesson to me.
Boiled down I have decided to move on and keep the door on the tiniest of cracks. She has responded a lot since that moment, she seems unable to accept it, but I have not responded since.
I don't have anything else to tell you I am afraid and since the sub only allows one update well it is what it is, again thank you all for taking the time to respond to my post and thank you all for your insightful replies.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.