Hello everyone and welcome to r/foreveralone ! Foreveralone was founded several years ago. It was originally a subreddit to share the forever alone meme, but somewhere down the line, it turned into an identity and a place where people who have been alone most of their lives could come and talk about their issues.
I'm here to clear up some common misconceptions that get asked in this sub as well as to explain the rules more in depth, and show how to give your posts appropriate flairs.
Why don't you hire an escort?
What I find here is that for most users, it's not about sex. It's about finding someone you have a connection with and being able to trust someone that much to be able to be intimate with them. Paying for an escort, while not only expensive and risky, defeats the purpose of finding someone who wants you for you and will not solve the loneliness people feel here. Similarly, telling a girl to sleep with any willing guy also fits here. One night stands for anyone, payed for or not, do not fill the void for feeling loved.
Have you tried lifting/exercise/shaving/changing clothes/showering/etc?
This is demeaning advice. If you want to give a user here advice, ask them more about themselves. Assuming that the person has done nothing to change can be insulting, especially if that person has been doing these things for a while with no results, so to say. Blanket advice doesn't necessarily break any rules. It's just not useful because every user here has their own set of unique problems.
Why is this place so toxic?
Yes, I understand from an outside view it may seem like that. But in reality, it's just a bunch of lonely people venting and getting things off their chest. Realize that the users here don't act like this in real life. Personally, If I've learned anything, especially in the FA chatroom, most of the users here seem normal and do not "complain" about their lives 24/7. People see what they want to see, and more often than not, people come here with the notion that this place is toxic, misogynistic, hateful, etc. Are there some users here like that? Absolutely, but don't let the vocal minority drown out the rest of the people here who just have been given bad cards in life.
There are starving children who have it worse than you, appreciate what you have
While this may seem like a good way to put life in perspective, it doesn't really help the person who is hearing it. Everyone has it a little better than someone else, but that also means that everyone is a little worse off than someone else. Hearing that someone has it more worse in life doesn't make the person feel any better about their own situation and minimizes their life experience.
Have you tried lowering your standards?
People are allowed to have a set of standards. It's what keeps people from having unfulfilling relationships. It's not fair to anyone to ask out someone you're not attracted to on the basis of "lowering your standards".
You're not entitled to an SO
We know we aren't entitled to anything and we certainly aren't claiming that we are. People are just venting and wishing that they did have an SO. Wishing to be with another person ("I wish I found an SO") is not the same as being entitled ("I deserve to have an SO!!").
These are just a handful of misconceptions that come to mind. I know there are others but I feel these ones are the more bigger ones.
Rule 1: Be polite, friendly and welcoming
Basically, just be nice please. Even if you are having a heated debate, there is no need to be rude towards each other, keep it civilised. We will not tolerate comments such as fuck off/you, get out, kill yourself, this is why you're foreveralone, or any other insult or harmful wishing you can think of. Keep the subreddit safe!
Rule 2: Do not tell anyone they're not foreveralone enough to be here
The infamous Rule 2. Let me explain as best I can. Being foreveralone is a made up concept and identity, it isn't so black and white. Because of this, it's hard to have a set definition of what is and isn't considered foreveralone. Being FA is more like a gradient of a thousand colors. It can span as far as a kissless virgin who has no friends and has never had an SO, to the person with no friends but paid an escort, to the person with friends but no SO, to the person who may have had a month long relationship years ago but is now in their 30s with no hope of the future. The list can go on and on and the experiences of people vary too much to say "you're not FA enough". I find the best "definition" of FA is this: Someone who has a very difficult time creating or maintaining relationships, either platonic or romantic. Someone who suffers from chronic loneliness
Rule 3: Do not post inflammatory comments or threads designed to generalize, demean, insult or otherwise degrade an entire group of people
Generalizations never turn out well and should be avoided as much as possible. For example, the generalization that all FAs are fat, unclean neckbeards hurts because, obviously, the people here are not like that. So please, don't generalize other groups of people, there will be people who don't fit the so called description.
Rule 4: Any incel references, slang, or inference will be deemed hate speech and met with a ban
This is not an incel sub. We do not affiliate ourselves in any way with incels. There is a clear distinction between Foreveralone and incels, to say otherwise is being ignorant. Slang such as "femoids, black pill, cuck, etc" are not allowed and will most likely end up in a ban.
Rule 5: Avoid posts that serve only to advertise other subreddits or external sites
There are plenty of other more suitable places to advertise websites and r/foreveralone is not the place.
Rule 6: If you see trolling, report it
Trolls are not welcome and usually break most of the rules when posting. Please report any trolling you see to the mods and we will deal with them. Do not engage with them.
Rule 7: Any posts created to intentionally start drama on any subject will be removed. This also includes Meta conversations about the sub or Moderation Policy.
Threads that call out users or other subreddits are not welcome. Keep your vendettas to yourself. All these kinds of threads do is attract brigades and they always turn into a flame war. They will be removed. If you have questions about the moderation policy, you are welcome to message the mods about it.
Rule 8: Don't post your dick
Yes, this happened one too many times for it to be rule. Nobody here wants to see it, and there are certainly way better places to post those kinds of pictures. This goes for any kind of explicit NSFW post.
Rule 9: If you have been muted by the mods during a PM conversation, don't message their personal account
If you happen to have been muted, there certainly was a reason for it. Messaging a mod directly in their personal Reddit account amplifies the issue and can end up in a ban.
I hope this post can clear things up for you fellow redditors. If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to send me or the mods a PM.
There are three tags that you can give to your post, depending on what you are writing. Make a thread, just as you normally would. Once you submit, you will see an option saying "flair" right under your thread (after the report and nsfw tags). Click this and three options will show up. Click on the most appropriate one and save it.
Success Stories: any success, whether it's getting a date or getting a girlfriend/boyfriend, share the story along with what you did and how you got there.
Advice Wanted: for threads where users can ask for advice on anything, from things to improve on to what to do on a date.
Venting thread: for people who just want to vent out their frustration about whatever is bothering them, and for those who do not want any advice, just people to listen.
If you have a post that does not fit any of these categories (for example, a song, picture, general discussion, etc), you do not have to tag your post!
To any users making comments in these tagged threads, please respect what thread you are commenting on. For example, we should not see advice giving on venting threads.
Vent Is it just me or being forever alone kills your motivation to do anything? Like if I'm alone what's the point of me working my ass off at work, i have no family im doing it for, or like going to gym no one's gonna be impressed because I have no one to do it for
Even taking care of my hygiene for example or grooming myself, it all feels like a waste of time not saying I don't like to take care of myself but sometimes It's just hard to
I've forced myself to go out to places by myself and it's so degrading being alone while people my age have a group of friends. Like at bars - the only people who are also alone like me are 50+ year old men. I'm a woman in my 20s. I had such a fucking embarrassment of a time tonight I feel like offing myself. The guy next to me even asked if I had friends or a boyfriend, I lied and said I had friends.. meanwhile I tried to strike up conversations with some of the younger people who would come up to get a drink but they would just run straight back to their group.. I'm so fucking done trying. I don't know how to be around people and I don't think I was meant to have close relationships
I'm a 26 year old male, a complete virgin, never even had a girlfriend, no friends since high school, no more dreams or aspirations, I have so little to live for. I feel so utterly broken and have no idea how or even if I can put the pieces back together.
How on earth do you cope? I just spend all day craving touch or conversation or just any sort of interaction and yet I have no social skills whatsoever and I'm so anxiety stricken to even do anything about it. I fantasize about waking up as my thirteen year old self, getting ready for school, my whole life ahead of me, ambition bursting out of me, because I truly cannot shake the feeling that this life is already over.
It sucks there is so much negative stigma associated with being an adult and living with your parents. In many other cultures besides the West, multiple generations live in the same household and support one another. Here in America, you are looked down on if you aren't living on your own past the age of 18.
I am 28 years old and currently still live my retired mom. I keep her company and she keeps me company. I help her with the co-owned mortgage since she hardly gets much social security income. I can afford to pay for both the mortgage and rent for my own apartment if I choose to move out. But part of me questions why I should even bother moving out and getting my own place. It's hard as heck to meet people and make friends in these times. I honestly feel it could be a waste of money and I might feel more lonely than I currently do now living with my mom. Is it worth it to still try to live completely alone for a bit? Perhaps...
How do you cope. What's all getting your needs met? It's going possible years and years without getting a faction or intimacy.i master bate everyday I don't have anything I cuddle with. So how does everyone else cope.
Vent Anyone else creates fantasy scenarios in their head with their crush and then it hurts so much because you know they won't ever happen.
Like sometimes I loved someone so strongly just being friends with them would be enough to satisfy me
It feels like I have endured a long battle, but there is no one to celebrate with.
I reached the summit, and there is no one to rejoice with. Going through all those trials and hassles only to find yourself alone again. You spend years to correct a flawed and distorted image, only to play catch-up with the rest of society. Again, and again.
After a time window, it just gets nearly impossible to get people into your circle.
Vent It hurts having a crush on someone because 1. You know you're gonna get turned down and 2. You know someone else is getting all the love you wished you had from them.
Like idk everytime I have a crush on someone my mind creates fantasy scenarios of wholesome moments that I'll never have.
Gave it a chance even though I already knew the outcome. Failed miserably, I even paid for a subscription to tinder, hinge and bumble. Pretty pathetic, I know. What a waste of time and money. Holy shit, normies don’t know how easy they have it, life sucks.
I’m still attracted to women but the last time I’ve had a crush on someone was 2 years ago and I don’t know what happened.
So my mom always told me if you are interested in a girl try complimenting her, well I used to do that, but never really received a thank you and I was not being creepy about it I stopped that long ago, but I also been reading on a lot of subreddits they just find it creepy and also somehow sexual harassment, how do I show interest in a women anyway?
I’ve asked out like 3 girls my entire life and I’m almost 21. Is it true that you shouldn’t ask someone out unless you’re close to certain that they are going to say yes? Am I supposed to initiate flirting? I’ve never had the chance to go to parties or anything. I’ve just been hoping someone will show interest and here I am, completely celibate and alone. I’m probably just too ugly but I can’t keep telling myself that because it’s too depressing to convince yourself that there’s no hope at all.
Because after i play them at the end of the day i am faced with the reality of my empty cancerous life and that's too real to just ignore so video games this illusion doesn't do it for me mostly most of the time nowadays....
Yes I have a crush again and this time i’m gonna confess. Friday we’re having dinner together and afterwards i’ll ask her for a date. Best case she says yes and I have my first ever date. Worst case I get rejected, she tells all her friends and they’ll either laugh at me or find me a creep, killing my reputation even further (which is non-existent anyway). Based on all the available data and factors I’d give myself a 1 maybe 2 percent chance of success. Bracing myself again for the aftermath of depression at the moment. Will report back.
Today this woman that I don't even know told her that her husband gifted her a holiday to Rome. Why bring her husband into it, was she trying to say I look like I don't make very much money as a cashier (it's just my side job)? She could have just said "I'm going to Rome soon" or better yet not tell me her personal life. Why do people feel the need to bring their SOs into everything - is it the validation?
I’m in college and still a Kissless celibate virgin which is very depressing because people describe college like you have to go out of your own way to NOT get laid. Even more depressing I essentially spent 10K on facial surgeries and I still don’t look good enough to get love and affection.
I don't even have a person I talk to in my life. I think my brain is closing this gap by talking to myself.
I don't know how to deal with still being single at 28. I was briefly in a relationship for a week when I was 27 earlier this year, with a girl who like me was also a traumatised autistic on benefits due to numerous mental illnesses (in her case, from past sexual abuse), but she immediately abandoned me simply because I didn't have sex with her 1 time due to my own inner demons and me trying to process that I was even in a relationship at all. She took it as evidence i didn't actually want to be with her and ended it. She tret me terribly during our brief, seemingly doomed attempt to stay friends, and blocked me when i tried to actually discuss the elephant in the room.
And the relationship was all so brief, and I was so unable to process it, that it mostly just feels like I never even stopped being single. It's like I was so close to finally getting some intimacy (i wouldn't care if it was sex or not), and it still went horribly wrong.
And ever since, i've just failed to find anyone else. I've tried going on dating apps, reaching out to various local groups, and going out to socialise, and it's just not working at all. Even doing everything people tell me to do is still completely useless, because I don't know how to function in neurotypical environments, or how to engage with heteronormative expectations on courtship. I even had a woman try to flirt with me at a pub quiz one night, and I was so paralysed both by how to respond and also by how noisy the environment was, the chance just slipped through my fingers like a pile of sand.
So even when an opportunity is right in front of me, I still fuck it up. Every time I think I might finally get to feel loved and intimate with a lass, it all goes completely fubar.
And all the advice just feels like "just stop being depressed" style advice. I can't just stop being as emotionally invested in being in a relationship as I am, any more than I can stop hating the taste of peaches. I am trying to enjoy socialising at these events in its own right, but this is such a deep wound on my self esteem, and has been since i was a teenager, that i can't stop thinking about how i don't have a girlfriend. It all feels hopeless to me, and i don't know how to stop.
TL;DR -, I briefly finally found a woman who shared similar politics didn't judge me as an unfuckable pathetic loser for being on benefits, because she shared my experiences. And then, just as quickly, she's gone from my life *clicks fingers* like that. I don't think i want her in particular back, but i have no hope i'll find someone else who's equally compatible with me, barring some act of divine intervention. The world isn't designed for people like me, and people just don't get it at all.
Tired of being depressed and lonely. Every day I'm reminded I'm an abnormality in this world. Everyday life gets more meaningless, and I get more hopeless. There's a gaping hole inside of me that has been dying to be filled since I turned 16-years old. Every passing year I grow emptier inside.
Even if I found love, I don't know what it'd do to me. I'm so far dissociated from whatever my life is supposed to be that I don't even know what to do anymore. I've always just been this blob of existence that's never really meant anything.
I'd still love to be in love, lose my virginity, etc. so I guess I'll keep waiting and trying for all of that, but as of right now I'm losing my desire to keep trying. Me and the rest of the population live on different planets.
Sorry for the long vent, the last few months have been really hard for me.
I turned 20 today. I need advice from FAs older than me. If you could turn 20 years old, what would you want to change?
Throughout the years I've been browsing FA communities, I've seen a lot of posts and comments saying that they freeze talking to people - especially women -, or that they can't come up with a topic to talk about or they become really insecure that they somehow make other hate them. This is of course a perfectly valid reason to be FA, mental difficulties in dealing with people can be a huge obstacle in creating friends and finding a partner.
But for me this is not the case. I don't have any difficulty talking to people be they men, women, something else, be they 20 years old or 50, be they a postdoc researcher or a trucker with a high school diploma. Barring major different values i can usually find something to talk about and hold a conversation with mostly anyone. This has led me to making friends and having a few social circles. I'm not always forever alone in that sense as most days of the week i will be around people, including women. Let me be clear that i don't hang out with people just to find a girl, i genuinely enjoy spending time with them (most of the time at least).
But i am still forever lonely as no woman has ever shown interest in me. I see signs of attraction but never directed at me. If i try to flirt, there is no positive response back and I, of course, don't get hit on. When i asked someone out, i have only been rejected, ghosted or stood up. There's something about me that makes me a non-option. No, it's not my clothes, hygiene nor grooming. I can and have maintained friendships for years so it can't be that i am a completely abrasive or self-centered person.
I don't expect any advice, i just wanted to vent. All this talk about "go out and talk to women" is bullshit. Despite doing that for years i am no closer to being loved than when i was isolated in my room. Being social, participating in activities, getting to know people better, going to clubs - nothing of that matters. You are either born eligible of being loved or not.
...is a family that isn't toxic.
My dog. Aside from that I honestly feel like I'm not even wanted here and got little to gain from this human experience. Society/social media. Just never felt welcomed or wanted. It's always been painfully hard to make even good friends let alone form relationships. Always felt like an outcast. The outsider looking in. At a world going by without him.
I'm sure some of you have heard the normie advice "just get interesting hobbies". My question is what exactly are these mythical hobbies that lead to a girl magically overlooking a guy being short, ugly, balding and socially awkard and fall in love with him?
Any commentary, anecdotes, and other stories related to "interesting hobbies" is welcome.
A list of things I'm going to do
-a wrapound jaw implant
-cheek augmentation or fillers
I should recover fully by mid 2023.
I'm going to do everything in my willpower to ensure I'm not gonna die alone. I don't want to, man. I hate this loneliness. I have the money so I may as well try it before I give up for good