r/comics But a Jape 4d ago Platinum 1

Henchmen For Hire

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47.5k Upvotes

211 comments sorted by

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1.3k

u/ImpulseAfterthought 4d ago

"I'd like to thank the Academy, my director, my agent, all the cast and crew, and of course Slim and Chunk, without whom none of this would have been possible."

974

u/originalchaosinabox 4d ago

"Good acceptance speech, boss!"

"Nyeah, boss!"

862

u/-Leow 4d ago

Henchmen gets rid of 99.99% of insecurity issues!

290

u/N-ShadowFrog 4d ago

Who do you think villains practice their monologues with.

50

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

18

u/tinytinylilfraction 4d ago

Who is it?

Goons

Who?

Hired goons

Hired goons?

https://youtu.be/FsUuhW7WbIg

46

u/qdp 4d ago

Yeah, but then there's that 0.01% chance they may let the spy secret agent escape from their imprisonment when you walk away. Talk about security issues.

18

u/code_turtle 4d ago

But if you’re a really competent villain, eventually there will be no heroes left to face. And you’ll have no purpose in life. Thus, you need to solve your “insecurity issues” by introducing security risks, like these henchmen.

2.2k

u/But_a_Jape But a Jape 4d ago Gold

Disclaimer: Slim and Chunk are not recommended for security purposes or combat situations. Henchmen For Hire is not liable for any damages incurred to the client due to bungling, buffoonery, and/or antics if used outside of recommended scenarios.

Anyway, if you like my comics, I've got more on my website.

I'm also on Patreon, Tapas, Webtoon, Twitter, and Instagram.

1.1k

u/KingSmizzy 4d ago

Good one, Boss!

938

u/real-potatoman5 4d ago

Nyeah, Boss!

193

u/Level69Warlock 4d ago

Which one is Slim and which one is Chunk?

295

u/makemeking706 4d ago

You're going to be surprised when I tell you.

218

u/Roscoe_King 4d ago

The names are actually based on their dicks

88

u/SapperInTexas 4d ago

I foresee a recurring character named Harry the Hood.

38

u/Arumin 4d ago

Melvin the Mushroom and his sidekick Colin Cauliflower.

25

u/Gunnrhildr 4d ago

Good one, Boss!

21

u/Tick___Tock 4d ago

Nyeah, Boss!

22

u/grayrains79 4d ago

The names are actually based on their dicks

Pray tell, how did you discover this information?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

17

u/mybadalternate 4d ago

They clearly gave them some kind of job.

2

u/Deceptichum 4d ago

The Slim N’ Chunk fan base is small, but incredibly dedicated in their work on producing high quality Slim N’ Chunk R34.

-1

u/GobboBigBoss 4d ago

Taking a pretty wholesome thing and just fucking it upside down. Reddit never fails.

2

u/Arcadian1 4d ago

...or does it fail all the time.

1

u/what_is_a-username 4d ago

So they're both chunks?

5

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/ConsciousTry319 4d ago

And for some reason they sound like i imagine sans and papyrus to sound.

13

u/JR_Manx 4d ago

Good one, Boss!

15

u/Sorry-Advantage9156 4d ago

Nyeah, Boss!

6

u/Polibiux 4d ago

Good one, Boss!

2

u/Sorry-Advantage9156 4d ago

Nyeah, Boss!

2

u/British_Siamosaur 4d ago

Good one, Boss

2

u/OwlWitty 4d ago

Nyeah, Boss!

40

u/JBHUTT09 4d ago

Is it okay if I call them my goons? I've always wanted goons...

15

u/thepenis_mightier 4d ago

Goons4Less?

7

u/thealmightyzfactor 4d ago

Good one, Boss!

4

u/British_Siamosaur 4d ago

Nyeah, Boss!

1

u/MyFavoritePlum 4d ago

Ben Kissel is offended

60

u/Romanator3000 4d ago

Nyeah, Boss!

19

u/Not_a_war_criminal_ 4d ago

Boss, nyeah

26

u/WeirdPumpkin 4d ago

Boss nya~~

18

u/Not_a_war_criminal_ 4d ago

Bosnia 🇧🇦🇧🇦🇧🇦🇧🇦🇧🇦🇧🇦🇧🇦

10

u/lesser_panjandrum 4d ago

Ah, I see the mistake here - you must be looking for Kawaii Henchcatgirls for Hire. They're next door.

4

u/floawb 4d ago

master, nyaa~~

:3

5

u/DiggerGuy68 4d ago

NYEH HEH HEH, Boss!

14

u/Dvusken 4d ago

They could have been Henchypemen for hire.

7

u/grayrains79 4d ago

If you ever make your own t-shirts? Please base one off of this comic.

3

u/Arcadian1 4d ago

The disclaimer is what got me.

→ More replies

431

u/DerRaumdenker 4d ago

Can I hire them to hang out and talk about our interests and get to know each other very well?

Asking for friends...

298

u/53bastian 4d ago

Yes but they will only respond to "good one boss" and "nyeah boss"

127

u/KooriBoo 4d ago

Good one boss

106

u/xiao_exe 4d ago

Nyeah boss

57

u/Remote-Ad-3309 4d ago

"What is 8 times 9?"

"Good one, Boss!"
"Nyeah, Boss!"

10

u/CauseCertain1672 4d ago

just get a job at henchmen for hire

8

u/CthulhusIntern 4d ago

"What are your favorite phrases?"

"Good one, boss!"

"Nyeah, boss!"

240

u/Largicharg 4d ago

I can’t count how many times I needed guys like this. Addressing elephants in the room, arguing with my friends, proposing better ways of doing things, calling out teachers on their BS.

Btw, do they come with Tommy guns?

102

u/doodleysquat 4d ago

One’s legal name is actually Thomas Gunn. So, yeah, kinda.

19

u/silentbassline 4d ago edited 4d ago

Goons.

Hired goons.

167

u/boilingpoint3 4d ago

I can hear their voices.

86

u/Roscoe_King 4d ago

Good one boss!

72

u/Frenchfrise 4d ago

Nyeah, Boss!

23

u/HeroGothamKneads 4d ago

They were so distinct but now I've overthought and they're New York Mike and Sully.

82

u/Jonas_Venture_Sr 4d ago

Hench4Life

26

u/NR258Y 4d ago

If I need a henchman, I'm getting Gary

10

u/jigokusabre 4d ago

And his buddy, incase you need a ride somewhere. You know, the one that sounds like Ray Romano?

12

u/Ibrakeforquiltshops 4d ago

And his step-dad’s powder blue nissan stanza

18

u/The_25th_Baam 4d ago

Hench has killed hench

12

u/Saucesourceoah 4d ago

Blood for blood, hench for hench

14

u/traceitalian 4d ago

"I want notes, lists and answers by the time I finish this here Juicy-a-Box! WARNING: I am Thirst-ay! And it is Fruit Punch! And it is Delicious!"

8

u/Plus_Escape9215 4d ago

Best character lmfao

11

u/lpjunior999 4d ago

Your standard Grade One henchman in service of the mighty Monarch is issued a dart gun and a grappling cannon, to name only a few of the exciting accoutrements that will aid the henchman in his wonderous world of career henching!

2

u/AcediaRex 4d ago

Are they Guild of Calamitous Intent certified?

1

u/Jonas_Venture_Sr 4d ago

They better be, if they are part of the Peril Partnership then they'll catch some lead.

83

u/wolfgang784 4d ago

The fat one is Slim and the skinny one is Chunk, right?

22

u/knirefnel 4d ago

Classic.

12

u/flopsicles77 4d ago

You got it, boss

8

u/SlickBlackCadillac 4d ago

But of course. What would this literary masterpiece of a graphic novel be without some baked in irony?

2

u/PTIowa 4d ago

I’m slim he’s chunk. How dare you make that assumption.

2

u/phrankygee 4d ago

That’s the order they are presented in, from left to right. I feel like that has to mean something…

1

u/code_turtle 4d ago

Good one, boss!

1

u/Bites_Za_Dakka 4d ago

Nyeah, boss!

56

u/Souperplex 4d ago

Nyeah, good comic u/But_A_Jape!

34

u/thegrandmagus123 4d ago

Good one, boss!

21

u/FingernailClipperr 4d ago

Nyeah, boss!

37

u/Gdigger13 4d ago

You can tell the one on the left has a more round tone in his voice, kinda like Patrick Star. And the one on the right has a nasally “waluigi” voice.

29

u/Deeprblue 4d ago

For sure. Henchmen always come in archetypal "oaf" or "weasel" versions.

26

u/meddlingbarista 4d ago

I call the big one Slim.

11

u/EmperorSexy 4d ago

This guys built like an ox. He’s got oxen-like strength. Let’s call him Slim.

4

u/1mGhosted 4d ago

Slim?? That’s my name you numbskull!! Don’t make me slim you one!!!!

72

u/elhomerjas 4d ago

fits perfectly to every scenario , very nice Henchmen

12

u/salvoilmiosi 4d ago

Hired goons?

3

u/TooBadMyBallsItch 4d ago

I prefer the hands-on touch you only get with hired goons.

2

u/meddlingbarista 2d ago

Hired goons?

12

u/My_Neighbor_Pandaro 4d ago

I for one enjoy wholesome mobster hype men.

7

u/bklj2007 4d ago

I prefer the personal touch that you only get from hired goons.

6

u/Mess-ile 4d ago

You tell 'em boss!

5

u/unamanhanalinda 4d ago

Nyeah, boss!

8

u/EduardoBarreto 4d ago

While playing Rimworld I experienced a bug where in a quest I would be asked to send every single adult I had available to attack an enemy outpost, leaving all of the babies of the colony unattended.

I ended up hiring pirates to babysit them lol.

6

u/003_JAEGER 4d ago

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli

4

u/UnroastedPepper 4d ago

What are their rates?

4

u/franckunderwood 4d ago

Made my day, thanks

3

u/MinervApollo 4d ago

Most wholesome comment chain I've seen today.

4

u/Arcadian1 4d ago

"Motherless Brooklyn" is a book (and later a film) that basically has the premise of Slim being the main character of the story.

Every "evil henchmen" stereotype of the Great Depression had a big lug like Chunk and, to make it more memorable, a "crazy" character like Slim, who had a weird way of speaking and acted like there was something "off" about him.

In the film, Slim has Tourette's, and just assumes he's a freak, but the guy in charge realizes he's smart, and that his disability isn't his most important characteristic.

I'm not joking.

7

u/Omeggos 4d ago

Looney Tunes characters with 90’s SEGA’s marketing at its finest

3

u/5L1Mu5L1M 4d ago

Take care of tony

3

u/possibly-a-moron 4d ago

NYEH HEH HEH!

3

u/Dappershield 4d ago

I often go through my day saying "Nyeah, 'cause I'm the boss, see?" In a stereotype cartoon Mafia voice. No idea where I pulled it from, but it brightens my shift.

1

u/thegrandmagus123 3d ago

Good one, Boss!

3

u/Sea_Drop_7935 3d ago

Hey are you the henchmen for hire?

( hadns you cash)

heres 60 bucks make sure my girlfriend feels safe happy and non dsyphoric today.

1

u/archer5810 3d ago

Best use of this service.

2

u/JennaFrost 4d ago

Slim n’ chunk vs sam and max, battle for the ages (cue time machine)

2

u/makemeking706 4d ago

I always wanted to break into gooning.

2

u/shivo33 4d ago

These are like the guys from Mrs Maisel

2

u/Plus_Escape9215 4d ago

Henchman 4 life

2

u/kevin9er 4d ago

Bulk and Skull here with the educational programming morale of the day!

2

u/Tashre 4d ago

Nothing beats the personal touch you can only get with hired goons.

2

u/J4l4p3n0 4d ago

Why do i feel like the fat guys name would be slim and the other is chunk?

2

u/Damasticator 4d ago

Hey henchmen, what is this wire made of?

"It's copper, see. Nyeah."

2

u/Ibrakeforquiltshops 4d ago

hench 4 life

2

u/Reddilutionary 4d ago

This is cute and fun as fuck. Usually the endless sea of comics on reddit is just white noise to me, but this is so good.

2

u/Generic-Degenerate 4d ago

Slim is the big one, Chunk is the slender one

My reasoning? It's funny

2

u/CarlosFer2201 3d ago

This art style is really familiar. Is this the same comic of the aliens who have pet humans? I love those.

2

u/archer5810 3d ago

This seems like a genuinely very fun service.

2

u/Hobbes604 3d ago

My apartment doesn’t allow goons, but maybe they’ll let me have these emotional support goons.

3

u/CashWho 4d ago

I miss Boy Meets World

3

u/SwirlingAether 4d ago

Someone’s been watching Boy meets World

1

u/FENDERHEAD1946 4d ago

Do you happen to remember what the episode was about ? I’m asking so I can try to find clips of it 😅

1

u/SwirlingAether 4d ago

Season two and season three both have instances of lackeys that follow Harley Kiner, and have the same body build as these two

1

u/wnn25 4d ago

How much? As the 61st commenter and the 6225th to like the add, am I still on early bird discount? Or did I miss it already? 🥲

1

u/TheWaffleWeirdo 4d ago

Plot twist: The man running the business meeting and the woman shopping are married and the girl is their child

1

u/OtakuDragonSlayer 4d ago

I love this so much

1

u/scsciencecarrot 4d ago

Are they affiliated with Tony Lazuto in anyway?

1

u/utopianfiat 4d ago

He hasn't even had the chance to say hello

1

u/RedPanda316 4d ago

I love them

1

u/trowaybrhu3 4d ago

Loiter squad did it good with them hypeman, especially the one aiding earl in the office

1

u/big-dick-back-intown 4d ago

Anyone wanna be my goons?

1

u/LowClover 4d ago

Adorable

1

u/SpikeRosered 4d ago

Do I have to pay an additional fee to have them side with me in arguments?

1

u/Zefirus 4d ago

C'mon now, if a kid was suddenly boss of two full grown adults, she'd be up to some heinous shit.

Or at least raiding the cookie jar.

1

u/guinader 4d ago

Like your own "hype men"

1

u/Just-Clue7340 4d ago

Goons; Hired goons

1

u/Bbaftt7 4d ago

This was great! I can hear them lol

1

u/thismikebeewar 4d ago

No hireables.

Duh.

Think that's a no anyway.

1

u/Arindor 4d ago

I love the comic, but they seem more like Yes Men than henchmen.

1

u/KyleC137 4d ago

Is that Tim and Cloakzy?

1

u/BlueHighwindz 4d ago

I thought they guys were only good for mildly inconveniencing Batman, but wow, they're actually great dudes.

1

u/coolyouthpastor 4d ago

The nicknames are ironic, right?

1

u/RandomLogicThough 4d ago

I feel like in this age of fame chasing fake bodyguards could make some ok money.../I met a dude who's son or inlaw bodyguarded Beyonce or JayZ or someone big and the dude made killer money (think he was like a 6'5" former Mossad guy? I forget)

1

u/TBTabby 4d ago

They're just yes-men with a gangster coating.

1

u/TallManoftheValley 4d ago

Why can I hear exactly how their voices sound

1

u/ACarefulTumbleweed 4d ago

It's Guido and Nunzio from the MYTH Adventures series!

1

u/Snoo-93454 4d ago

Bulk and Skull?

1

u/Taskmaster23 4d ago

I love them already

1

u/OrangeyTangerine 4d ago

OMG I would hire them in a heartbeat!

1

u/LandscapeSweet1531 4d ago

I need to make this a real profession

1

u/tree-water-tree 4d ago

When one of these is a plot for several anime

1

u/meta-physical- 4d ago

more like hypemen for hire amiright

1

u/MacMuffington 4d ago

Henchmen number 1

1

u/Genshed 4d ago

Fun fact: henchman was introduced to modern English by Sir Walter Scott.

It was an archaic term originally meaning a servant who attended to his master's horse. He used it in 'Marmion' to describe a clan chief's personal attendant.

1

u/Shuichi123 4d ago

Now listen here see

1

u/bagpipesfart 4d ago

Reminds me of Scarface’s cronies in Batman The Animated Series

1

u/has_left_the_gam3 4d ago

Wholesome henchmen

1

u/KingFahad360 4d ago

I want to hire Slim N Chunk to take care of Fat Michael.

I want him to lose weight and get his body to his old shape and size.

1

u/GIORNO-phone11-pro 4d ago

Hey yah but as real people

1

u/SkRu88_kRuShEr 4d ago

Wholesome Henchmen? I’d watch 3 and a half seasons of that!!

1

u/LuskTonto 4d ago

Its fat tony after he becomes maggies god father

1

u/that_guys_posse 4d ago

When I originally made my account I intended to do something like that. I planned to find people who were arguing about something and comment support--like their posse. So I went in and said stuff like, "you tell em boss!".
I can say that it only seemed to confuse and anger people without an explanation (which I refused to provide...I commit to my bits).
Tried it a few times with the same response so this just became my regular account.

1

u/GirlDadBro 4d ago

This is delightfully wholesome ❤️

1

u/Handsome_yoda 4d ago

Henchmen like these in life >>

1

u/No_Industry9653 4d ago

Corporate feudalism at its finest

1

u/cultured_banana_slug 4d ago

Next up: They get a job in hospitality, get told to "take care" of the customers, and there's some important word definition follow-up after the murder noises stop.

1

u/ThisguynamedAndre 4d ago

this could be a cool comic series

1

u/Vibin_Outtt 4d ago

Goons for hire is just the unchild friendly version

1

u/The_space_Squid_man 4d ago

I would buy them immediately

1

u/blackjackgabbiani 3d ago

I feel like this is what the Team Rocket trio could do after the show ends

1

u/tallyhall10987- 3d ago

kinda wholesome